Baby! Baby! Baby!

Most of you know by now, but today we heard (and saw) the heartbeat of our baby, due to arrive this fall. IVF was, once again, a success. It is still early, I'm approximately six weeks, but our baby is proving to be a strong little thing with a solid heart beat and giving me nice, high hormone levels. Our nurse actually said, "I figured it was either two babies, or one STRONG baby." We did transfer two this time around at our doctors recommendation. We did the transfer on a Friday and I started having heartburn on Sunday. I knew it had worked. I thought that with the early, early symptoms and high numbers it must be two. I had been mentally preparing for two babies. And we had been having a little anxiety over it. Of course we'd happily accept two babies if that's what God had for us, but it was scary. The risks to babies, the risks to me, the effects it would have on our sweet little boy... So to hear that we had one healthy baby, was a good feeling. We gave the other little 'snowflake' a chance at life and it simply wasn't meant to be. Now the countdown to see if we'll be welcoming a little boy or girl.

Tonight we are thanking God for His blessing of new life. And please say a prayer for our friends tonight who are going through another IUI attempt. We are praying that this is the month that God will bless them with new life, as well.

Soap Box Bed Time

Hello there.

So Milo and Nathan are finally bedtime buddies. =) We expected a lot of tears, a lot of drama, but we knew we needed to get moving in that direction if we are ever going to have more kiddos. We thought this would be a very gradual... drawn out process, as we planned on doing it as gently as possible. But it wasn't. In case you're interested, here's how we did it: We stopped asking Milo if he'd like Daddy to put him to bed and started happily telling him that Daddy was going to put him to bed. We talked about his TV buddy Caillou and how his Daddy put him to bed. We really talked it up. Then when bedtime rolled around, I told Milo I was going to the store and that Daddy would put him to bed tonight. He kissed me goodbye and the boys went off to play for a couple more minutes. {I went to my parent's house.} The plan was for Nathan to text me when he fell asleep or if it got real bad. And if I didn't hear from him by 9:30, I'd just come home. It wasn't long after 8:00 that I got a text that read, "SUCCESS!!!" Milo had a couple moments where he managed to squeeze a couple tears out, but calmed down when Nathan offered to let him watch his favorite show Caillou on the ipod. Within five minutes, he was asleep in Nathan's arms. Sure, I don't love that he has to watch TV to fall asleep, but a couple minutes isn't going to hurt. And we are already trying to lessen the need for that with each following evening. That's it. I think it was just the right time for Milo. He was able to fully understand what was going to happen. I think it made Nathan feel pretty great, too.

Now on to my soap box. We went to the park this afternoon since it was another beautiful day. Well... we ended up waiting until after nap time. By that time, the school kids were there. I have nothing against school aged children, but those kids had no respect or awareness of the little guys around them. They were wild. I don't think we should micromanage our kids. And of course kids will be kids. But I think its unfortunate that parents/caretakers don't have the sense to remind their kids to watch out for the little ones. I kept having to redirect Milo away from the 'big boys.' It was not a pleasant outing at the park. Say what you will about my thoughts, but I dream of a house in the country where our home is where they play and explore and their siblings are their playmates. Hmmm. Kind of like the Duggars. Of course we will NOT be having that many children. But... I like a lot of what they've got going on.

Love

Just wanted to post a quick update.

All went well with our trip to Michigan. Our transfer went well... now praying things go well down the road. We'll know whether or not it was a success at the end of the month, however we will not make any formal announcements for a while. Either way, we'll like some time to ourselves to hopefully enjoy the news or process the news. And a lot can happen in that first trimester. So again, we'll share news when we are ready. Thank you for your continued prayers.

We did not have much time in Michigan, but we did get to spend some time with some very, very dear friends whom we miss greatly. It's always bittersweet. Bitter from distance. Sweet from the blessing of friendship.

Oh yeah. Today's Valentine's Day... ummm ok... I missed it by a minute. I hope you had a lovely day whether you were with your other half, family, friends, or just flying solo. Nathan and I celebrated our 13th Valentine's Day together. Our day was simple, but sweet. And while we did partake in the sweet gestures and such, we certainly didn't do or say much more than what we do on a daily basis. Every day is filled with I love you's, hugs, acts of sweet kindness for one another... My Valentine's Day is more a day to be thankful for Nathan, Milo, and our family.

Prayer

Ok my friends. I need you to say a special prayer right now. Just a quick... "God, give them life in their womb." Yesterday I was in Nashville for blood work and ultrasound to check on my progress with things. While in the waiting room I met some really nice ladies, all praying, praying, praying for a baby. We quickly shared our struggles and successes. The hurts... I left, praying for each one of them. And... I have another friend here that is making her first attempt at IUI. This is a truly great couple who will make great parents. We all need a special prayer this week. So please... for six women all trying for a baby this week... please pray that prayer for us.

Daddy's Boy

The other day, Nathan and I went on a little date which ended with a stop at Barnes and Nobles. I was skimming a book about raising boys. {I know. We were on a date and I was reading a book about kids... What can I say?!} Anyway. The book mentioned that between 18-36 months boys typically go through a major daddy stage. We. Are. There.

Let me back up. Nathan has been freelancing while we wait for another job that is on the table to pan out. So he has been home a lot. And we are LOVING the family time. Enter Daddy-Mania.

24-7 Daddy is on Milo's mind. Sure. I'm there too, but all day long he wants daddy to play. And Nathan can't say no. Nor does he want to say no. Milo still comes around for milk and lovies, and I still put him down for naps and bedtime. But 90% of the time, he wants Daddy to play.

Am I jealous? No. Nope. Nah. OK. Maybe sometimes. But I am thoroughly enjoying the breaks. Our house has stayed clean. Dishes done. Laundry managed. Wonderful meals on the table. And I feel so refreshed. But most of all, I love the fact that Milo so greatly adores his daddy. And I love hearing "Milo did _____. I taught Milo _____. Look at us Mommy!" It brings great joy to my heart seeing these two guys bond.

And it also makes my heart ache for children, boys, who don't have that. Who don't have a dad. Who can't have their dad. Whose dad doesn't play, show affection, care. I feel like Milo will be able to understand what it means to have a Heavenly Father because he has an Earthly Father to show him what that looks like. Tonight, I pray for all of the boys and girls who are without their fathers... for whatever reason. For the military children who are sacrificing their dads for us. For the children who lost their fathers. And for the children whose father's simply are not there. May God wrap each one in His loving hands and fill that void.

Nathan sure is lucky to get such an awesome post and it isn't even Father's Day. ;)

TWO

This may be news to some of you, but I thought I'd make it 'blog official.' We are in the process of attempting our first Frozen Embryo Transfer. It's always so weird to announce that we are trying to conceive. But... God has put SO MANY PEOPLE in my life that I have been able to offer support through their own journey of infertility. God has given us each a ministry/ministries and I believe this is one of mine. And in order to do so, it takes a level of openness that not all may be comfortable.

Frozen. Embryo. Transfer. It is exactly as it sounds. We will thaw and use an embryo/embryos from our first IVF, fresh cycle. It is half the money, have the drugs, half the pokes, have the ultrasounds... Definitely much easier than the first time around. We have completed two of the three necessary trips to Michigan, as we are using the same doctor. The next trip will be the BIG ONE. Transfer day.

It took a while to get to a point of peace about trying for another baby. I had a lot of fear about it. But I prayed that when the time is right, He'd put that peace in my heart. And He has. We are ready for whatever may come from this FET. We have five little 'snowflakes.' The statistic is that half will survive the thaw. Or none may survive the thaw. Or all may survive the thaw. We really have to just brace for anything. We will not do another fresh cycle at any point. If none survive, then we will accept that God chose Milo to be it for our biological family. Or maybe He has a couple more babies in store for our family. Yes we are opening ourselves up to some potential pain if things don't go as planned. It comes down to faith.

We should know whether or not the transfer was a success around the end of February. But I do ask that you not ask... We'll tell you when the time is right.

In the meantime, I have been obsessed with baby names. Oh my. So many lovely names to choose from. Do we go for another M name? Stick to a less popular name? Traditional? Popular? Vintage? French?

We have started talking to Milo a tad about Mommy having another baby. We ask if he wants mommy to have a girl baby or boy baby. It's always boy. What would we name a boy baby? Cookie. Hmmm. I don't think Cookie will make the top of our list, but Baby Cookies sure sounds like a cute nickname. =)

Speaking of talking, boy oh boy does Milo talk. He's consistently using 3-4 word sentences, singing, expressing his emotions... On our trip he'd randomly smile and say, "I'm happy." Oh it makes our hearts melt every time. OH AND... We have never told Milo to say, "I'm sorry." We have demonstrated it and spoke the words on his behalf. But we have never said, "Milo. Say I'm sorry" intentionally. Well... the other night at dinner, he threw food on the floor and it got on Nathan's pants. As we were going through the process of discipline, I said, "Daddy, I'm sorry Milo threw food on your pants." Milo paused, looked at Nathan, and said, "I sorry Daddy." Since then he has also said it to my Dad. Its just good to know that Milo is beginning to understand when and why we say I'm sorry without being forced. The same goes for sharing. We don't do forced sharing. We take turns. We help our friends find a toy they'd like, etc. Yet somehow, he is very generous, shares, and take turns.

I'm not trying to toot our own horn. We are SO far from being perfect parents. But we are really learning what Milo responds to and how to parent him. Milo is incredibly independent. Give him two choices and we are usually good to go. "Milo, do you want to walk out of the store, or do you want Mommy to carry you out of the store?" Both are acceptable choices to me in getting him to do what I need, and in most cases it spares us a tantrum.

OK. I think I've gone on long enough. Between the holidays, move, travels, etc. Its just been so long since I've sat down and had plenty of time to blog. Hopefully I'll get to blog again soon.

Please remember our family in your prayers as we hope to create a new life.

Story Time

We all have certain pressures in our life. Some imposed by our culture. Others imposed by our spouse or family. And many imposed by ourself.

I don't put a lot of pressure on myself which is good and bad. But as a mom, I think I have put some unnecessary pressure on myself, specifically library story time. I love story times. And I want Milo to love story times too. Library story times are what stay-at-home-moms do. Right?! Aren't we, as SAHMs supposed to do certain things?

I have decided to pass on library story times for the time being. I am removing that pressure. Milo is too young and too busy to sit for a structured story time. Some kids his age can handle it, not my kid. He was trying to escape. Climbing chairs. Opening bins, finding other things to do. Sure, it was all OK. He did participate in some of the time. But all in all, it just leaves me feeling like a failure for having the kid who can't sit still and its no fun for Milo to be scolded and told, "No Milo. Don't touch that. Don't do that. Don't go there..." So why go?!

I read to Milo. A lot. Milo loves books. So why do I feel pressure to take him to story time. No more. Well... at least for now. We'll try again in a few months. We'll still go to the library and find new books. This is also why the thought of homeschool is so appealing to me. I can tailor his education to what suits him best. Just sayin'.