Happy New Year!!

2009 certainly had its ups and downs, but what sticks out the most... 2009 gave us life. And we cannot wait to meet that tiny little life in 2010.

We hope you have a wonderful and safe New Year's!

Good Bye 2009 | Welcome 2010!

Post Christmas

First of all... I hope each and every one of you had a fantastic Christmas. Nathan and I certainly enjoyed our time in Morgantown. While it was not the same, not being with my parents, we still had a wonderful Christmas with Nathan's family. I was also able to visit with both of my brothers which was really nice. Our time in Morgantown was not without a little bit of drama here and there, but I cannot express how great it was to be somewhere that felt like home with family. Just being in that safe, familiar place with people you love and who love you is just priceless. And while we certainly enjoyed being spoiled (for the last year!!) we could have taken away all of the gifts, and still been so happy and grateful.

We made it home late, late, late last night, safe and sound, after another long trip... snow... through Ohio and Michigan. Yuck. But the most important thing is being home safe. Which by the way, Nathan is taking care of me so well... always making sure I'm not going to fall or slip. I'm really starting to see what an awesome, protective father he is going to be to our sweet child come spring.

I know I have said this before, but it took a good year before we really began to feel at home in Bowling Green. We are going on 18 months in Midland and its feeling less and less like home. While being in Michigan, we have really been blessed with a few great friends, two great doctors, Nathan's first job and POY title, and a pregnancy... I am also beginning to associate it with stress, isolation, and frustration. I'm praying that this simply means, our time in Michigan is nearing an end. While I would certainly miss the beautiful friendships I have made here, I know in my heart without a doubt... God has no intentions of us planting roots here. And as we near the halfway point in my pregnancy (that is so hard to believe!) I am becoming more and more anxious to get to the place where we can plant our roots.

On to a brighter topic... the pregnancy is moving forward beautifully. I have felt very faint movements for a couple weeks now, but last Wed... the movements were strong enough to get my attention!!! I was sitting in the car listening to classical music on the radio, waiting for Nathan, and I felt the flutter... it was so exciting! It really overwhelmed me with emotion, to tears. Since then, it feels more like a goldfish swimming around my belly. Its such a wonderful feeling! I love being pregnant. I was afraid I'd be rushing the pregnancy, anxiously counting down. But I have really just been enjoying this time somewhat patiently. I'm sure I'll reach a point, where I'll be anxious to finally meet my baby, but for now... I'm simply enjoying being pregnant.

That should be it for now. Please continue to pray for our family and what the future... near future... may hold.

Merry Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of our Savior and spending time with family. I may have already said this, but being pregnant has really caused me to do a lot of reflecting on when Mary was pregnant with Jesus. How much pure faith Mary must have had. Its enough to be responsible for the life of a tiny, helpless baby, but to be responsible for nurturing God's son? To know that in your tummy was something so pure and holy. I just cannot imagine the faith and strength she must have had knowing she was the mother of God's one and only son. Whatever is in your heart this Christmas season, I hope it sticks through out the coming New Year.

And on this Christmas Eve, I am officially 17 weeks pregnant. And while I have been feeling slight, faint movements, I felt the official "flutter" yesterday. I was sitting in the car, waiting for Nathan, and listening to classical music, when the movement were strong enough to actually get my attention! It was very exciting. And as I thought about it, I began to think, "Oh I wonder how Baby will respond to this situation or that event..." It completely overwhelmed me in the most wonderful way and brought me to tears. I love being pregnant (in case you didn't know!!) and I am truly cherishing each and every minute and milestone.

And Congratulations to Catherine and Dave on their arrival of their baby girl on this beautiful Christmas Eve Day. She was due five days after Christmas, which made for a wonderful, surprise Christmas gift.

Christmas Survey

A friend had the following survey on her blog, and I thought it was a fun, festive blog post... so I copied it. Thanks Catherine.

Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? If I had to choose between the two, I'd choose hot chocolate, but really my favorite hot drink is either a Chai Latte or Hot Apple Cider.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them under the tree? Santa does both. Santa comes and delivers gifts during the night and we find them wrapped, under the Christmas tree. Santa also fills the stockings!

Colored lights on a tree or white? We use colored lights on our, always real tree, although I do think that trees with white lights also look classy. The theme for our tree has always been... eclectic.

Do you hang mistletoe? Yes. This year the mistletoe is hanging in our bedroom doorway. It has a bell attached to the bottom and hangs down a little low. I can clear it, but Nathan always hits his head on it when he gets up to go to the bathroom during the night.

When do you put your decorations up? The day after Thanksgiving and not a day sooner.

What is your favorite holiday dish? My favorite Christmas dish is definitely the plate of cookies left for Santa. While we haven't left cookies for Santa for several years now... next year... I will be looking forward to them!

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Heck no. When Nathan's family was in from Hungary at Christmas, Norbert wanted to open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. He did, but Nathan absolutely refused. So in our house... I guarantee there will not be a single Christmas gift opened until Christmas morning.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? After we cut it down, drag it inside, struggle to get it set up straight in the stand, and tilt our heads questioning its size or shape, we begin with colored lights. Then go to town randomly adding the miscellaneous collection of ornaments we have acquired. Some from our childhood, some homemade, some are antiques, some are new, and some were gifts. Almost every single ornament on our tree has some sort of meaning or memory attached.

Snow: Love it or Hate it? Love it. There is not a single thing, more magical than a white Christmas. Plus, I think snow makes the winter beautiful instead of dead and gray. Snow is a must.

Can you ice skate? Yes I can. In middle school, early high school, I spent almost every Friday evening at the ice rink. I still have my own skates. Last year, after Christmas, we went ice skating at in Chicago and had an absolutely magical time. I love ice skating... although this year... I will not be partaking.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? There are so many. Leaving cookies and carrots for Santa, the 11:00 Christmas Eve service at church, annual Christmas breakfast of jelly bellys, or maybe a tradition Nathan and I started of topping our tree with a Santa hat.

Candy Canes: Yum or Yuck? Yum. I can't eat more than one or two during the season, but still a must have.

Favorite Christmas Show? I'm going to have to go with Home Alone. Of course I like all the others, but I think Home Alone is the one I most enjoy watching.

Favorite Christmas Song? Last year, it was Baby Its Cold Outside, but I have since reevaluated since the song is kind of sleezy. Its about a man, pressuring a young girl into staying later than she is supposed and tries to talk her into having another drink. If she said her mother will start to worry... then she's obviously young and shouldn't be hanging out with this dirty older man. So I'm not sure my favorite song, but I do love any song sung by Johnny Mathis.

That was fun.

Today was kind of a rough day. Well, more of a rough afternoon. Nothing that cannot be fixed, but enough to cause some tears and anxiety. It has nothing to do with the baby; baby is still great. But stress, of course, is not good for the baby. So please say a prayer for us. We need a break, a change. Things could certainly be much worse, and we are grateful for all that we have been given (especially this baby!!) But as I said, its enough to cause a lot of anxiety.

And on a side note, I have noticed my vision has been a bit off. I usually have excellent vision and shock Nathan with tiny things I can read. But, the last few days I have noticed some subtle changes. Like the oven clock is now blurry to me from in the living room, which is pretty much the same room. And even words on the computer screen or ipod are a bit on the fuzzy side. I read that because of hormones, fluid retention, metabolism, and blood circulation changes in your eyesight can occur during pregnancy. But it can also be a sign of a couple other things like preeclampsia. So I'm going to give my midwife a call tomorrow just to be cautious and let her know what I'm experiencing. I'm sure its nothing, but you know what they say...

PICTURES!!! YAY!!!

Nathan and I had a great time taking pictures in our basement this afternoon! We truly had a lot of fun. We have been meaning to take pregnancy pictures for a while now so we'd have a better visual timeline, but we finally did. Looking at the pictures, my tummy looks so weird to me. It makes me think, "Wow. I'm actually pregnant." I am a little self conscience because I don't know what my tummy should look like right now, but this is what it does look like. And the fact that I have not gained anyway tells me that I'm doing what I should eating wise. Enjoy.

*I am almost 16 weeks*






This is when Nathan knows its time to quit.

Baby Made Me Laugh!

Today's appointment was wonderful! The other midwife, Denise, seemed really great. We started off checking my weight. I thought for sure with Thanksgiving thrown in there and my growing belly I would have gained 5 or 10 lbs. Then I'd be in trouble for gaining 1/3 or 2/3 of my total weight gain goal. That was definitely my biggest concern. However, I have gained 0 lbs! And yes, that is good. As long as I am not trying to lose weight and I get the nutrition I need, then minimal weight gain is good. That was a huge relief! Now I just have to do the same thing for the next four weeks only with Christmas thrown in the mix...

Of course we chatted about a few things, then checked for the baby's heartbeat. That was the fun part! Last time, we found baby's heartbeat right away. Denise started moving the doppler probe around my belly. She'd pick up a heartbeat, then it'd be gone. Then we'd get a loud thump sound. She'd move it around again, pick up a heartbeat again, then it'd be gone. Another thump. Apparently Baby has a sense of humor and was playing games with Denise. Each thump was the baby kicking at the probe, then Baby would move away from the probe. She chased that baby all over my belly, and finally was able to get a consistent heartbeat, which by the way was still strong. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it. She even called Baby a little stinker and guessed Baby is a boy based on his activity. It was such a special moment. That was the first moment my child has ever made me laugh. Baby has made me smile and brought tears of joy, but this was the first time Baby's actions made me laugh. How awesome is that?

My next appointment is for an ultrasound in four weeks, then I'll see Lynda again two days later. And every appointment so far has fallen on Nathan's Monday off which has been perfect! Its really important to both of us that Nathan get to share in these very special milestones. And while we should be able to find out the gender in four weeks, we are keeping it a surprise. So don't ask... we won't know!

Pregnancy First

I had a first yesterday. My first pregnancy fall. Let me first say, we're fine. Nathan was shooting the Coleman, MI Christmas parade and asked if I wanted to go. I like parades so I thought, hmm that could be fun. So I bundled up in three layers of pants, two layers of shirts and my warm winter coat. Plus thick socks, hat, scarf, mittens, and a blanket. I thought for sure I'd be warm enough. Well... the thing about going on assignments with Nathan is that he has to be there early and stay until the very end. Being there early, I thought I'd get some exercise and walk up and down main street a couple times. I walked maybe two blocks and ended up on my bottom. It was getting dark and I couldn't really see the sheet of ice in front of me. Down I went. BUT when I fall, I'm surprisingly graceful about it. I went down slowly and ended up doing kind of half split with one leg straight in front and the other leg bent to the side. It did not hurt. I got myself up and regrouped. Had I thought for even a second that I fell hard, I would have called Nathan back to get me and we would have called the doctor. But it was truly a very gentle fall so I was not worried about it hurting the baby.

However, after the parade when I was freezing and somewhat miserable, I told Nathan about my fall and he was not happy. He felt guilty for leaving me and banned me from leaving the house by myself until spring. And while this was not a serious fall, it does worry us a little bit. Its winter, I'm clumsy, and being pregnant only adds to that. Even people who aren't clumsy or who are being careful can still fall victim to a patch of hidden ice on a clear sidewalk. I'm not sure what the solution is other than to move. But I will be holding Nathan's arm whenever possible and will have to just be extra careful when I am by myself. I told Nathan I should just start wearing ice skates; I do just fine when I am supposed to be on ice.

In other pregnancy related news, I have my next appointment tomorrow. I'll see the other midwife in the practice and I cannot wait. I'm definitely ready to hear the baby's heart beat again! My appetite is still down and I'm finding that I get full much quicker. I have been getting some mild headaches a couple times a week. I am also finding that my maternity pants are starting to fit a bit better. There is still a lot of room to grow, but they're definitely staying up more so than before. And I am officially out of regular pants. The pants that I bought a size too big are now not even comfortable using the rubber band trick. But in a nut shell, I LOVE BEING PREGNANT! Sometimes I think, wow I still have a half of a year to go, but then I think, wow I still get to be pregnant for another half of a year.

Baby Update

I am now 15 weeks. Only 25 left to go. Sometimes it seems like its going by quickly, but then I realize that we still have half a year left. But I am certainly not rushing it. I am enjoying every single moment of this pregnancy. For so long, it truly seemed like a distant dream, and now its reality. And I couldn't be more grateful for how normal and uneventful this pregnancy has been. I pray daily that it remains a wonderful and 'normal' pregnancy.

Here is what "they" say is going on at 15 weeks inside my belly.

"Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces. She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds."

*The above refers to the baby as a she... which makes me laugh since I still think its a boy. When I refer to it as a boy, Nathan always corrects me and says, "Or she!"

On average, women usually don't feel their baby move until between 16-22 weeks. However, as I have learned and said before, every woman is different. Two nights ago, Nathan and I were laying in bed playing with my stomach (LOL) and I felt something. I'm not going to say it was the baby moving, but it was something in my lower stomach that didn't feel like gas or indigestion or anything else normal. It actually felt like a wave motion or someone touching the inside of my belly from right to left. I figured after I was certain what I was feeling, I could decided whether or not it could have actually been the baby. Well since then, I've really been trying to pay close attention and try get in tune with the baby. And sure enough, I'm about 98% sure I've felt the baby a couple times! I told Nathan it is a sensation similar to when your stomach growls, kind of a faint bubbly feeling. And every time I've felt it, its been when I've been laying on my back, quietly while shining a light on my stomach. I was a bit uncertain at first, but I'm starting to recognize the consistency of the feeling. I'm definitely looking forward to the movements becoming stronger. And I really cannot wait until Nathan can also start feeling the baby's movements.

I'm really starting to feel like I'm able to bond with the baby more these days. Today I spent some time in the nursery rocker reading some Beatrix Potter to the baby. It was such a special, quiet moment. And I know that each week will bring more and more opportunities for bonding.

As far as pregnancy 'symptoms' I'm still sneezing four or five times a day. Go figure. And I've had a mildly stuffy nose for a while now, which I read is normal and has to do with, you guessed it, hormones. I have also had a couple mild headaches here and there. My appetite is way down compared to a few weeks ago. And I'm not getting up in the middle of the night to hit the bathroom. I still have to go before I wake up for the day, but I can usually make it through the bulk of the night.

My belly is definitely growing, however it still just looks like a fat belly as opposed to a pregnant belly. But that's Ok. I still love it! My next appointment with Lynda is on Monday, and I cannot wait... really its been hard going four whole weeks without a peak or a listen or some kind of update. And I'll be curious to see how I've done weight wise over the past four weeks. Granted, Thanksgiving was thrown in there, but hopefully I still did well. I know I could be weighing myself at home, but I don't want the focus to be solely on numbers unless Lynda advises me to begin weighing at home between visits.

And on a side note, Midland saw its first winter storm today. It started snowing last night around 11 and by morning we had maybe 5 inches. It was absolutely beautiful! And my wonderful hubby made sure to clear the driveway and sidewalk of the heavy, wet snow. This winter, we are definitely going to have to make sure we keep up with driveway. Otherwise the ice and snow will build up and become incredibly dangerous. And I was also reminded that I have a beautiful excuse to get out of shoveling snow myself this year!

If you are interested in seeing what baby's up to at 15-20 weeks, click here.

Prayer Request:

Please continue to remember my friend's family. Yesterday, the mother, too passed on. That means my friend's brother not only lost his two young children, but his wife as well. How you go on after that, I don't know. Not only does this family need peace, but strength as well.

I laid in bed last night and could not stop thinking about this family. My heart is truly broken for them.

Prayer Request:

I have a dear friend in KY who's family has faced a very tragic loss and will undoubtedly need lots of prayer. My friend's brother and his family were in a car accident. Their two children did not survive and the mother is in critical condition. I cannot even begin to imagine what this family is going through right now. Please remember this family in your prayers. They will need a peace that only God can offer.

Police, Pool Hall, Pregnancy

We have been fairly happy in the duplex we are currently renting. We've been here almost a year and have really made it feel like home. However, it is still a duplex meaning we have neighbors. These neighbors are not unfriendly or friendly. We've tried to wave and be kind, but there were never many exchanges at all between us. Last night they apparently had a party. This was the second party where their blaring rap music, obnoxious 'guests', and pool playing could be heard. We truly felt like we were living next to a pool hall. The first time, while I did experience my first bought of pregnancy rage, we managed to deal with it. But last night... I once again reached my limit. The music was not sent me over the edge to where I finally called the police at 3 am. It was once their cigarette smoke made it into our home. Now first of all, there is not supposed to be any smoking here. And this was the second time we smelled cigarette smoke. Only last night, the smell about knocked us over when we opened up the basement door. That's right... in our own home, which we pay prime rent for, we were being forced to breathe in their second hand smoke. It truly smelled like their were 20 people smoking in our basement. That was my breaking point. I truly think it was the protective maternal instinct that kicked in to overdrive. I bust my butt to make sure what I eat, breathe, and absorb through my skin is good for my baby. And I was not about to let my stupid, inconsiderate neighbors decide that for me.

While the police could not enforce the smoking, they were happy to break the party up for us. Two cops showed up within about five minutes and things quickly quieted down. And while I could faintly smell the smoke in our bedroom, the party was shut down soon enough that it at least dissipated out of the bedroom. Then today, I called our landlord and made him away of the situation. He too had a big problem with what had taken place and said he'd be speaking with our neighbors immediately.

I don't pay my rent every month to live next to a loud, smokey, pool hall. If I wanted to live in that environment, then I would and pay half of what our current rent is. If they want to party, that is certainly their business, but when you live in a duplex or apartment, you need to either take it to a bar or to someone's house. Hopefully this will be the last situation of this nature. And believe me, next time, now that they should no better, I won't wait until 3 am to call the police.

One Size Does NOT Fit All Medical Care

First of all, thank you for your prayers for Mark. Last I heard, he was doing well.

Secondly, I have had an uber productive day! I did a lot of organizing, throwing away of papers, and cleaning toilets. This afternoon and evening I spent most of my time working on some research.

Let me first say, that this is a very personal decision. The following is simply my opinion, and I make no judgement on others and their choices. With that, I have been researching vaccinations. I feel as though our medical care has become one size fits all. And I have a big problem with that. So I went through the CDC's vaccination recommendations, researched each illness and vaccination, and evaluated the risk factors that we are currently aware of for our child.

Here is a good example. The hepatitis B vaccination. The Hep B vaccination is recommended to be given a birth, another given at either 1 or 2 months, and another at 24 weeks. There is also a combo vaccine where they will get an additional dose at 4 months. Now let's look at Hepatitis B. It is passed through blood, semen, or other body fluids. Usually contracted from sexual content, sharing needles, accidental needle prick, from mother to child at birth. I was vaccinated for Hepatitis B in high school, so unless my baby comes out using intravenous drugs, then I'm not sure how they would contract Hepatitis B as an infant or toddler. Now that is for my baby. I know there are many babies born to mothers who are drugs users and could easily come in contact with Hepatitis B. Those babies most certainly do need to be protected. But the risk level for my baby is quite slim. This is one vaccination that will be put off for a while.

Another example is the Rotavirus. The greatest complication of rotavirus is severe diarrhea which can lead to severe dehydration, of course untreated could very well lead to death. Luckily we have access to emergency care. As soon as I'd notice by baby having diarrhea, I'd be on the watch for early signs of dehydration. If that happened, we'd be in the ER and fluids would be given through an IV if necessary. I don't see where this would merit a vaccine in my child. Some children, however, who are in daycare are at greater risk of contracting Rotavirus and severe diarrhea or dehydration may not be noticed as quickly.

I'm not going to share the schedule I have decided upon since it is specific to our child. But I will say that we are nixing a few and delaying a few. We will also be opting out of the Vitamin K shots routinely given at birth. I will be supplementing myself and passing on lower and more gradual levels of vitamin K through nursing.

My only purpose in this post is to encourage people to look at their own situations and risk factors and not accept one size fits all medical care for themselves or for their children.

Most of you probably remember Mark, the little guy I took care of in BG. Apparently he has H1N1. Please say a prayer for him. We know how dangerous this can be for young children. His mom said, "We took the vaccine..." So I don't know if that means his mom and dad got the vaccine or if the whole family took the vaccine. But regardless, please pray for my little Markie Doodle.

Can I just tell you how awesome it is to be emailing with my nieces? Tiffany and Haylee are both growing up so fast! They are both turning into such bright young ladies. They were just over a year old when Nathan and I started dating back in 1999. And now... we email each other?! I love it!

Grandparents

This post comes after I read a friend's Thanksgiving post where she mentioned her grandmother's china. And I began thinking about my own grandmother's china.

My grandma's china was Homer Laughlin Virginia Rose. The dishes are considered antiques and I'd like to add, made in the USA. Most people associate china with formal dinners, holiday dinners, or dishes stacked neatly in a cupboard. But Grandma Rothrock did not reserve her china for special occassions. She used it every single day of the week. Not because she was a formal person or had a formal house, just the opposite. She was a somewhat simple, in a good way, woman and my grandparents lived in a nice small house. She loved flowers and worked hard. As did all of my grandparents. I think my grandma used the Virginia Rose dishes everyday because she loved them. She had lots of china and dishes stashed in their attic. But she chose these dishes to use. Even their cat was fed on a small Virginia Rose plate. And every day, she'd stand at the sink, usually perspiring from the kitchen that was still hot from some delicious meal and from the hot water she had her hands submerged in, and would gently wash those dishes. I always knew that I wanted those to someday be my dishes. Not because of a price tag, but because it was something my grandma loved.

When I think about those dishes today, I feel a connection to my grandma. Seeing those dishes takes me back to my childhood and the many wonderful memories I have of my Grandma Rothrock. She was also the first grandparent I lost, meaning the one I had the least amount of time with. I wish they were all still here, especially... {OK pregnancy emotions really kicking in here} at this time in my life. I still have one remaining grandfather who lives in FL, but FL is a long way from Michigan. I do hope he will someday be able to meet our child.

I was truly blessed with four, wonderful, amazing grandparents. We always lived about 5 hours from my grandparents, so I feel like my time with them was always special. But at the same time, I took them for granted. I wish I had, had more time with them as an adult. But they each taught me a lot about hard work, love, and family. My grandpa in FL (actually my mom's step father as her father passed away too young, but my grandpa my entire life), last time I was down to visit, shared his first wife's troubles and scares in childbearing. He began to tear up. I felt a connection with my grandpa in our shared struggles.

As our child is still growing in the safety of my womb, I pray that he or she will have many, many wonderful years with his or her grandparents and get to know them deeply. We often contemplate using family names for our children. But we loved each one so dearly, there is no way we could choose just one or two names to use. So we'll give our child a name of their own, but make sure they know how special and dear their grandparents and great-grandparents are and were.

Wonderful West Virginia

Our trip to West Virginia for Thanksgiving was wonderful! We got to catch up with our family, visit with greatly missed friends, watch the Mountaineers win, and enjoy some delicious food. It was just perfect. We didn't get to do all we had hoped, but we learned early on there is a balance to master. If we tried to cram everything in, then it wouldn't be much of a vacation. We'll be heading back to West Virginia for Christmas, so hopefully we'll be able to catch up with a few more people then.

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving as well. I have a pretty good idea of who reads my blog, and I think I can accurately say that we all have so much to be thankful for.

In baby news, the baby bump is starting to become more evident. It still may not look like a pregnant belly to others, but Nathan and I are enjoying watching it grow. My energy level is definitely back to normal, and I am not near as hungry as I was. I go back to the doctor in two weeks and I cannot wait. I'm still adjusting to not getting to see my baby every week or two. And according to the powers that know.... at 14 weeks (which I'll be in three days) little Baby Morgan will be able to squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck their thumb! He or she will also be about the size of a lemon.

Now its back to reality for a few more weeks until Christmas.

Thanksgiving

Since we'll be focused on spending the holiday with family, I thought I should go ahead and make my Thanksgiving post.

Any guesses as to what I am thankful for this year?? Thanksgiving day will actually mark 13 weeks pregnant. We really have so much to be thankful for. Its almost hard to know where to start.

God: I am thankful that I have a God who is loving and forgiving, who I can talk to anytime during life's highs and lows. And I'm thankful for His perfect timing, guidance, and patience. The reason I am who I am today, is because His hands have molded and shaped me through the ups and downs. And I am thankful for the miracles he has given us that we don't even deserve. And He is responsible for every single blessing that follows.

Family: We are so blessed and thankful to have a family that loves us and supports us. We tend to think of family as being the obvious thing we are thankful for. Unfortunately not everyone has a family that loves and supports them. And I say 'a family' because I don't think of Nathan and I as having separate families. We don't have in-law tensions or feuding families. Nathan's family is always welcome in my parents home and life, and the same goes for my family in Nathan's parents home and life. Our parents are friends, and we are so thankful for that. And we are thankful that our child will be coming into a world where they will always know they are loved by their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Friends: We have varying degrees of friends. We have friends who we consider family. We have friends who have made a great impact on our lives. We have friends who are always looking out for us. We have friends we would truly do anything for. We have friends whose company we simply enjoy. We have friends who we occasionally see but often think of. We have friends who we keep track of via family blogs. We have friends who are better friends to us than we are to them. And we have friends who are no longer in our lives, yet we appreciate them for the time they were there. I am thankful for each of these friendships. Every single one has meant and contributed so much to our lives.

Cimiez: Yes, I am thankful for my cat. She has been a constant in my life. When Nathan was busy with school, she kept me company. When Nathan works late, she's here with me. When I'm sad, she snuggles into my arms and brings me joy. She's a friend that listens, without saying anything back. And when my dream of a baby was looking grim, she happily filled in as the resident baby of the family.

Nathan: Where do I start here? He is my best friend. When life feels like a roller coaster, I know he is in the seat beside me, holding my hand. I am simply thankful to be married to my perfect match, to a man who loves me for who I am. I'm thankful that he talks to me about everything, listens to me when I need to talk. I am thankful for every morning we have to sleep in and snuggle (which we know are very numbered!)

My Miracle: This year's newest thing to be thankful for is, of course, our growing baby. I am thankful that God chose us to be parents through nothing less than a miracle. I am thankful for Dr. Shamma. God chose Dr. Shamma's knowledge and hand to bring us this miracle. And I am thankful for every person who was involved in the IVF process, who did their jobs well, and gave us the best possible care. And I am thankful for every week our baby has continued to grow healthy and strong.

There is so much more that I am thankful for... but I think that covers the bulk of it!

Oh and I am thankful that I get to wear maternity pants to thanksgiving dinner this year... I'm just kidding... Thanks to the slower digestion of pregnancy, my stomach fills up pretty quickly, so there shouldn't be too much tummy stuffing going on!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I apologize that things are a bit out of order. The actual post is meant to be read first... but you can figure it out!

Nursery Pictures

This is the rug that inspired the nursery colors and theme.


This would be the dresser/changing table that I found at a yard sale this summer for $50. It was missing two knobs on top. So I decided to use ribbon for the handles on the top row.


Here is the crib. I absolutely love it. The bedding is blue and white which is not traditionally gender neutral, but I figured it is blue and white floral... so that can really go both ways if you ask me. And I only plan on using bumpers while the baby is small. Once they are able to move around the crib, I'll be removing them.


Another crib shot.


This is the chair I told you about in my post. Pretty great, isn't it?!


Above the chair is a FAITH hanging that Caroline and Eric gave us before we started IVF. It really means a lot to be hanging in the nursery.


This is a little wall hanging that I made. Originally it was going to be a mobile, but I wasn't really happy with the final product. So I adapted it a bit and love it hanging on the wall.


These are more little wall hangings I made. They hang together on the wall above the changing table/dresser.






This is the shelf that I painted. I think I would have liked it better all one color, but my mom and Nathan are pretty happy with the way it turned out. And in place of the clock, there will be a lamp. I'd like there to be an ipod dock in place of the Cd player, but we'll see about that.

Kentucky Pictures

Kelly enjoying an apple cider slushy at Jackson's Orchard.


Jackson's Orchard, one of my favorite places in Bowling Green! Jackson's is actually one of the many things I miss most about BG.


Just an illustration of just how beautiful Kentucky is. This was shot on the way to Jackson's just outside of town.


Mom spoiling Buster.


Nathan spoiling Buster.


Dad, Mom, Redz, and Buster in front of their new house in BG.

one long rambling pregnancy post

You know the whole thing about cobblers not having shoes, carpenters having unfinished houses, etc.? Nathan, for the most part, lives up to that. He just doesn't document our lives as well as he documents other people's lives. Its just the way it goes sometimes. Back when I first found out I was pregnant, I wanted to start taking regular belly shots, to watch the progression. Well that has yet to happen. And I don't blame Nathan. I could certainly nag him about it, but as much as he works, when he is home, neither of us are thinking a whole lot about taking pictures. One of these days, hopefully soon, we'll take a belly picture.

So while I do not have proof for you... I am definitely starting to see the changes in my stomach. None of my pants from last year fit, at all. I actually have a laundry basket I am gradually filling as I outgrow clothes. I have two pairs of regular pants that I bought a size too big just after the transfer as I was trying to be optimistic and plan ahead. They still fit. While in Kentucky, mom and I did some shopping at Motherhood Maternity. We do not have one nearby, so I thought I should go ahead and stock up while I had the opportunity. And it was a lot of fun! My mom was a HUGE help. The best part was trying everything on with the belly pillow they give you to strap on. That made a world of difference in having an idea of how things would fit me in a few months. But even the pants that fit keep wanting to slide down lower on my belly below where its starting to pooch. But I am not complaining, I actually love it! Even Nathan can really start to see the slight pouching.

Dr. Shamma's office only did blood work and ultrasounds. They did not do any weighing, blood pressure, etc. So I was happy to have those things checked during my first appointment with Lynda. My blood pressure was great. And my weight was actually lower than I thought. I honestly hadn't been weighed since my last appointment with Dr. Powell back in June. But if I remember correctly I am actually down about 13lbs. And because of my present weight issue, our goal is keep my pregnancy weight gain closer to 15 lbs. And I believe this is absolutely something I am capable of. I just try to think, Is this something I would feed to my baby? And I'm trying my best to make each bite count as something nutritious. I am not always successful, but I am certainly doing my best.

And as far as the nursery goes... its pretty much done. The crib is up and fully assembled with the bedding on. The changing table/dresser is up and stocked. I painted a shelf that was mine growing up a few weeks ago and have baskets on each shelf containing toys and books. My parents found the perfect rocker for me and brought it up over the weekend. They found it a the re-store in BG. It is a light brown, almost a dark tan upholstered chair. It is comfortable, but not too big. It has a nice, smooth rocking motion, with the arms at a perfect height for nursing. And it is perfect shape... and has no odors or anything. It really appears as though it has never been used. The colors of the nursery are actually light green, light blue, and red. I based the colors around a rug we purchased a while back from IKEA. And so far I am pretty happy with the way the nursery is turning out. And even if this is not where we are when the baby is here... that is still pretty much what the nursery will look like.

Below are just a couple pictures from my time in KY and some nursery pictures as well.

a long one

sigh. I've done a pretty good job of not stressing about things. I mean, I have a lot I could stress about, but I am trying not to. And while tonight, I still trust that God will provide according to his perfect timing... I'm becoming a bit impatient. Because we are pregnant, I know that this is the right time. Yes, we did do IVF, but we prayed that God would still work or not work. He chose to work a miracle through Dr. Shamma's hands. And I know that God didn't bring us to this point only to leave us hanging.

We are five hundred and seventy two miles from my parents; that is nine hours of driving time not really including stops. We are four hundred and sixty five miles from Nathan's parents; that is about a seven and a half hour drive. Now lets throw an infant or even a toddler in the car. A seven and a half hour trip has now turned into about a nine hour trip. A nine hour trip has now turned into a twelve hour trip.

This is kind of where my frustration is at this point. While I have made some truly incredible friendships here in Midland, there is no substitute for your family. No one loves you more unconditionally than your family. No one would drop what they were doing to support you faster than your family. And the thought of being this far away from my family when our baby is born tends to upset me. Sure. My parents are retired, although my mom still works three days a week PRN. They can generally travel most easily. But they have two dogs and its unrealistic to think they could make monthly trips to see us. Not to mention, we don't have a guest room. And for Nathan's parents, traveling is not easy because Nathan's 80 something year old grandma lives with them, and Nathan's dad still works. Long trips are not healthy for the elderly even if the time was available. (Not saying his parents are elderly... just his g-ma ;)

I know some people are fine living far from family. And I'm not suggesting I need to be in the same town. But living with in traveling distant with an infant would be nice. We love our families and miss our families. Living away from home has made us cherish our time with our families. But our time is not unlimited. We want our child's grandparents to be there and present. We want them to be a regular part of their daily lives. Not to babysit... just to spoil.

My frustration is knowing how to make this happen. And in my mind, I know it is not up to me to make it happen. If it is meant to happen, God will guide us to the right opportunities. I guess that's really my prayer, that God will open a door that will take us closer to our families. We've heard some encouraging rumors, but also some discouraging rumors. Ultimately, I know I just need to simply trust God. But I want to know now. I want to plan. Yes, I know I sound like a whiney little girl... God is probably used to that from me by now. So please pray that A. God will give us patience and the ability to fully trust Him. B. That God will find a way to get us closer to both of our families, preferably before June 3rd.

Thank you for your thoughts Catherine! That's a really great point about looking into using a couple different systems. There is just so much out there... its great you actually have a place to go and physically see the different options! I can't wait to hear how it goes once Baby A makes her grand entrance!!

Bunz for the Bun

Your reaction to the next sentence will either be that of "good for her" or "good luck with that one." We have decided to use cloth diapers. Seriously.

I have thought about cloth diapers in the past but never really looked too much into it. Since finding out we are pregnant, I have begun looking into it a bit further. I have several friends or acquaintances who have decided to go the cloth route with great success. Yes, there is an extra step or two, but I think it is worth it. Not to mention, the cloth diaper has come a long way.

I looked into a few different types and brands. The top two contenders were the gDiaper and FuzziBunz. I purchased a small starter pack of two gDiapers to see and feel what they were like. I was intrigued. Then, I got to see and feel a FuzziBunz cloth diapers (thank Steph!) It really is tough to base a decision like that without seeing them in person. Seeing the FuzziBunz sold me. They just seemed a lot more durable, functional, and comfortable than the gDiapers. And the people I know who use them, love them.

Some people cloth diaper for economic savings, others for environmental savings. For me, its more of a combination of things. A. One initial investment will provide diapers that will likely serve multiple children instead of spending something like $100 a month for as long as each kid is wearing them. B. I have trouble throwing a can away instead of recycling it... the thought of throwing that many diapers in a landfill to take many, many years to decompose just doesn't sit well. C. I feel like babies are born so pure, and it takes no time before they are fully exposed to the many, many chemicals of the world. I just like the thought of cloth being against their skin rather than that weird super absorbent crap. {No judgement to anyone else for using disposable diapers!!!!}

And I found a great website where I can actually register for the diapers since we already have almost everything we'll need. {For those of you who don't know... I seriously do have almost everything we'll need. Crib, car seat, rocker, bath tub, infant seat, clothes, clothes, and more clothes, changing table, changing pad, sheets, blankets, books, socks, bibs, burp cloths... you get the point. Partly because of our plan to foster, but mostly because I found shopping for baby stuff to be very therapeutic while I was waiting to conceive.} All I need is a stroller, cloth diapers, and the baby!

Happy Day

My appointment with the midwife today went very well! Lynda was fantastic and I am definitely looking forward to the coming months under her care. And as a wonderful extra surprise, we finally got to hear the baby's heart beat. We had seen it, but never heard it. It was such a beautiful sound! I was so glad Nathan was able to come to this appointment with me. Lynda said it sounded perfect. And she said the baby was moving a lot because the heart beat would kind of fade in and out. I just cannot wait until I can start feeling baby's movements. And I found out that Dr. Powell is gone?! I had no idea. I had supposedly made an appt with her a couple weeks ago (before I decided to use a midwife.) Its good because now I don't have to feel bad for not going to her, and it shows God's timing and direction. She was only in Midland for a short time... just long enough to help us get through the infertility stuff before IVF.

And I have to say that I truly have the best husband. Not only is he such a huge support during the ups and downs of life, but he just does nice things for no reason. He had the house perfect when I got home on Friday evening. After the weekend with my parents and the dogs, the house had gotten... lived in. So while I went to the grocery store, he re-cleaned. I came home to a beautiful, clean house with my favorite Pandora station playing and a yummy pumpkin scented candle lit. AND now he is making dinner?! After a week with my parents and now this... I'm afraid I'm going to be spoiled. :)

11 Weeks 4 Days

First things first... Our baby is continuing to do very well. Its growing right on track and has maintained a strong heart beat. Today I am 11 weeks and four days! And as Dr. Shamma put it, we have graduated out of his office. It was actually kind of sad, but obviously something to be celebrated. The nurses gave me a hug and said they'll really miss us. (We were easy!) And of course, they said they'll be waiting for us to come back to visit with our baby. *Big Smile* And as a small little thank you, I brought back a box of Nashville Toffee for all the ladies in the office. I have my first mid wife appointment this afternoon, so I'll blog again this evening and let you know how it went.

As for the past week, it was absolutely wonderful! The weather was beautiful. On Friday, my parents and I spent some time in Nashville where the high temp was 75 and sunny! My time in BG was just very refreshing. Being in BG with my family, friends, and beautiful weather was such a great pick me up. While at the same time, it makes it that much more difficult to return to Midland. The only way my week could have been any better is if Nathan and my kitty cat could have been there with me.

Now, its time to get back to normal... at least until we head to WV for Thanksgiving!



{The view in today's ultrasound picture is of the baby facing up instead of a side view. Doesn't it look like a peanut!!}

The blog will likely be quiet this week, as I will be spending the week in KY! I'm really looking forward to having time with my family and friends in my favorite town. Nathan will only have a couple days, but we are always grateful for whatever time we have with our family. And my parents will be bringing me up the following weekend, so that'll mean more family time on the other end of the week as well. Plus, we'll be going to WV for Thanksgiving! November is definitely going to be a great month!

10 Week Ultrasound

Here is the most recent portrait of our little baby! Notice he/she is looking much less shrimpy and much more like a baby. Everything continues to look great!

Not a Baby Post

Watch the preview at the link below... I promise the trailer alone will get you thinking about cancer. I will be waiting until I can view the entire film. {This is of particular interest since there is a DOW plant in my back yard... maybe two or three hundred yards away. And since I live in a region that is undoubtedly polluted by dioxin.}

Click Here to View





***We have another ultrasound tomorrow morning... Watch for new pics of Baby Morgan!!!***

Double Digits

Not much to report baby wise. I'm still feeling well, and I seem to be much less tired. Thursday I will enter into double digits, 10 weeks. And I go back to the doctor on Friday. The nurse will do the ultrasound on Friday, which means she'll probably take her time and give us more time to peak in at our little one. Dr. Shamma is pretty quick. Then just over a week after that appointment, I'll have my last appointment with Dr. Shamma. It'll be bittersweet. We enjoyed driving to Saginaw for each appointment. It'll be strange not going back to that office... the people God worked through to create our baby will just be out of our lives. But at the same time, my last appt with Dr. Shamma means we've successfully conceived and sustained the pregnancy through the first trimester. So its definitely something to be celebrated. The same day as my last appt with Dr. Shamma I'll also have my first appt with my midwife. And I found out that two of my friends here in Midland used this midwife and have excellent things to say about her.

OH and Nathan and I have a new favorite girl's name... not that, that means much considering we'll probably have a new favorite girl's name in another week, but its definitely a top of the lister! I still cannot get over how easily the top two boys names came to us, and how difficult it has been with the girl's names.

You may have also noticed how the baby illustration has been changing. My father-in-law said he really liked that. Our baby no longer has a tail!!! :) I guess that's all I have to report for now.

Tissue

I stumbled upon this on YouTube yesterday. Now let me first say that this is one of the reasons Nathan continually threatens to cancel our internet. Let me warn you that you will cry. The little baby, Ella Rose, was born at just 21 weeks. They could not stop labor and an infection developed. When this mother gave birth to her baby, she knew she had only minutes with her daughter. While my heart was just breaking into pieces, I noticed something. This family was smiling. They weren't focused on anything but enjoying every precious moment with their tiny baby girl. It was just so inspiring how much strength this family had to set aside their mourning to celebrate new life, even if for only 20 minutes. So... if you watch it, make sure you have a tissue! {I could only watch it one time through.}

Ella Rose (Click here to watch)

News

Good News! I got in with the midwife I was hoping for. She is the one that is in practice with one other midwife and a couple OBGYNs. I will see both midwives, but that is so much better than rotating through five or six doctors. And if I would develop complications I would simply see one of the OBGYNs within the same practice. And being that they are in practice with midwives, I imagine they have a greater respect for what midwives do and believe as far as birth being instinctual and natural. I'm very pleased. I will be sending Dr. Powell a thank you card for all that she has done for us and the support she gave us before IVF.

And if you're up for a good scandal... read this... There is a longer story, but basically John Tully, the other photo staffer at the paper, had his 1st Amendment right challenged by Dow Corning security. While remaining on public property he was detained by Dow Corning Security who called the Midland police. There are a lot of details not published in the article. They claimed it was a Homeland Security issue. Its funny though, because they have an "Overlook Park" over looking the plant. And John was on public property. Anyone could have seen what John was taking pictures of. They just didn't want the public to see the fire... they are usually able to sweep everything under their corporate rug. Corporate America does not get to control the press. This is just a snippet of what happened and how we feel about it... but read through the comments. Its always interesting to see what people have to say about stuff like this.

The Lost One

Yes I know this is my third post in one day. Its called being unemployed.

Its normal for new fathers and mothers-to-be to have fears about parenthood, about pregnancy, about birth, etc. It takes some parents nine months to get used to the idea. Nathan and I have not experienced that. We've been ready and are fully excited. That's not to say we won't have some anxiety at some point. But we are more joyful than fearful. But Nathan does have one fear. One thing about this pregnancy that worries him. What is that you ask? That I will go into labor or be in labor during the LOST series finale. The series finale is set to end May 23 (according to the inter-web), just twelve days before my due date. Now in all seriousness, that probably won't happen. But Nathan does not know the exact date of the series finale, only that it is close to our due date. So I'll certainly be having some fun telling Nathan that the finale will be much closer to my due date for dramatic effect. (Now you'd think with Tivo this wouldn't even be an issue... but what can I say??)

Now of course, that's mostly a joke. But in all honesty, since we're still not close to having the right girl's name... I have a strong suspicion that our girl's name will be inspired by Lost. Is that sad? There are some beautiful names. Clare, Sun, Juliet, Charlotte, Penelope aka Penny, Kate... This would make Nathan very happy. (Hm. And I did tell Nathan its now up to him to find a name for our daughter, should the baby be a girl... so right there may be the top six.)

Like I said before... I blame unemployment and Nathan's 2-10 shift for this kind of silly post.

I do want to clarify one thing. Conceiving through IVF does not automatically make me high risk. Obviously, midwives do not work with high risk pregnancies. Many IVF patients do have high risk pregnancies, but it depends on the infertility problem. Women with endometriosis or other problems will have high risk pregnancies after IVF. My infertility cause does not make me high risk at all.

I'm trying to get in with a midwife who works at a practice affiliated with our local hospital. There are a couple midwives and then regular OBGYNs in case the pregnancy would become high risk or face complications. This is kind of an ideal situation having both within the same practice.

We shall see.

Midwifery

This week I watched a documentary I had been wanting to watch for a while, The Business of Being Born by Ricki Lake. I also read Ricki Lake's book that kind of goes hand in hand with her film. Both were very, very good.

*Another disclaimer... I am making no judgement on women who used a regular OBGYN or had any kind of medical intervention what so ever. I'm just expressing my thoughts on my own personal journey. It is a very personal decision that we each must make for ourself based on what is best for our own families*

I had always been attracted to the thought of a midwife. And after watching the film, it really confirmed this thought. The most important thing being midwives, who are still highly educated and trained, is they have a greater trust and respect for the bodies own natural ability to birth. Where as doctors fix problems. They are not accustomed to letting the body work naturally.

Not being able to conceive naturally was difficult to accept. The conception of our baby was highly controlled, very medical, and obviously required intense intervention. I think that is the reason, I so strongly want the pregnancy and birth of our baby to be as natural as possible.

*Another disclaimer... I also understand that 'things' happen. The best plans for a natural birth can end in a c-section... and in the end its most important that mom and baby are healthy. So while I may be planning one thing, I also understand the unforeseen happens. Believe me, I am a realist these days.*

However, I wasn't ready to say, after Dr. Shamma I'll be seeing a midwife. The reason being Dr. Powell. She was such a huge blessing in finding the root of our infertility. When we found out the IVF was going to be our only option, she looked me in the eye and said, "I will deliver your baby." How great would it be to truly have her delivery this baby. But, she is also a surgeon. She is a doctor who is trained to intervene and fix things, sometimes maybe when they aren't really broken. I thought that if I can express to her how important it is to me to have the best chance at a natural childbirth, then maybe she'd understand and be slower to intervene. But even then, hospitals often say you can have whatever kind of birth you want, including a water birth, but one thing leads to another, people start pushing you one way, and your desires are out the window.

I will be released from Dr. Shamma in about three weeks. So I went ahead and called Dr. Powell's office to get on the schedule for my first appointment with her. I was not pleased. The receptionist explained to me that my first two visits will be with these two different people. Then after that I'll be rotated throughout all the doctors for the following appointments. That way who ever is there to deliver won't be a stranger. Um that is not OK with me. And that will only increase the odds of intervention. Sure, Dr. Powell and I might be on the same page, but that doesn't mean the other three or four doctors are. This did not sit well with me.

The next step was to call our insurance company and get a run down of the maternity services covered. What do you know? Midwife services are covered the very same as OBGYN maternity services. This makes me happy. Now don't think that I am instantly thinking about doing a home birth. We'll have to see how the pregnancy goes. But having a midwife delivering in the hospital means that I'd still have the opportunity to birth the way and in the environment I choose, including in the water.

Now we still have 31 weeks and so much depends on how things go with the pregnancy. I may hit 30 weeks and realize I don't have a choice, but to see an OBGYN and deliver in a hospital. But at this point, I would like to proceed with a midwife. I want to have a trust and relationship with the ONE person who will be attending my birth.

Fortunately and surprisingly, Midland, Saginaw, and Bay City have several great midwives with great reputations who have attended massive number of births.

Woops. Sorry folks... I accidentally deleted that last post about pants. In a nutshell... some of my pants are becoming a bit uncomfortable! {Catherine and Bridget... I did get your comments... Thanks!}

This is a Blog Post

I think I can say with about 99.9% certainty that I will not be getting the H1N1 vaccine or the seasonal vaccine. I will be praying and purelling like crazy... but we strongly feel it is the right decision for our family. My friend Angie, also pregnant, has also decided not to. Having two other pregnant friends who feel the same way we do gives me a sense of validation.

I also think that we're going to reach the peak of it very soon. If as many people have had it as "they" say (who now have naturally created antibodies against it) and the vaccines are now going out... surely we'll see a decline. I really don't think this is going to last through the winter. {That may not be scientific, more Kelly-logic but I really think we're going to see it peak very soon}

And I was wrong about finding the perfect girl's name. We have a decent enough list to satisfy me. I'm honestly, just tired of thinking about it. Maybe God will give me the name in a dream... that would be cool. But I really, really, really think its a boy and that's why no girl's names sound right or seem to fit.

Not much new pregnancy wise to report. Still feeling great! {Did I mention how much I love this baby for not making its momma sick?! Keep up the great work BABY!!}

8 Weeks 4 Days

Today's ultrasound went well. Dr. Shamma was very happy with how things looked. He used the words "perfect" and "gorgeous." And we could see the arm and leg buds which was neat. Unfortunately they forgot to give me pictures. :( But hearing and seeing how perfect everything looked... that's enough to go on in my book!

And I get to stop the shots!!!! Hallelujah!! I still have to take progesterone, but in a different form. It's still not pill form, but anything is better than injections. We are officially retiring the needles and it feels good.

I asked Dr. Shamma about the H1N1 vaccine. Of course, he said I should get it if I can find it in the proper form (injection without thimerosal) but I'm still not convinced. He said we don't know the potential effects on the baby. He said he would be giving it to his family and staff, but none of them are pregnant. I'm not concerned about its effect on normal adults. Its the unknown effects on the fetus that have me in question. It's definitely a very personal dilemma. My solution is to move to the Virgin Islands where the Swine Flu is not a problem, but I guess that isn't the most logical solution. Honestly, I'd rather look crazy and wear a mask out in public rather than get the vaccine.

But, the most important thing right now is that the baby is developing right on track! Praise God!

H1N1

I've debated whether or not to blog about this subject in detail, but I am. I am about 98% sure I will NOT be getting the seasonal or H1N1 flu vaccines. I left 2% in there leaving room in case Dr. Shamma some how convinces me otherwise, which I think will be highly unlikely.

Now here's my disclaimer *This is a personal decision everyone must make for themselves based on their own risk factors and personal beliefs. I am not judging anyone who disagrees with me or has gotten the vaccines. I am simply stating my thoughts and beliefs on the subject.*

I'm not sure where to begin here. I'll start with this. I stopped watching the news on a regular basis a while ago because I got flat out sick of everything being sensationalized and all the "experts" they had making speculations without any accountability. And I think that is what is happening with the influenza "pandemic." The government gave the pharmaceutical companies massive amounts of money to produce the H1N1 vaccine. It was undoubtedly rushed, which means the testing was also rushed with limited testing on pregnant women. And there is no data on any potential long term effects on a fetus. The local Health Department here held a thing for pregnant women to get both their seasonal flu and H1N1 vaccines together, which has not been studied. I know that pregnant women's immune systems are more vulnerable, so doesn't it seem obvious that maybe giving two flu vaccines at the same time might not be such a good idea. There is also fear that the H1N1 will mutate into something worse which is hasn't. It remains mild. Yes, there have been deaths and complications as with any illness. But do we know the circumstances of each case. How long did they wait before seeking treatment. Did they have other factors that made them more vulnerable to complications? We don't know. That is the over riding theme in all of this. We don't know. There is not enough information. And how often is the medical community split on something. I'm not saying they are always right, but they are almost always united. With this vaccine, they are not.

And we have seen the deterioration in our health care because doctors are practicing medicine based on fear, on what if's. That is what is happening here. The news media is causing extra fear, causing us to turn to our doctors who are afraid to tell us not to get it... because what if they say don't and then we get the flu and complications arise?!

I have also heard of so many people who end up more sick after their vaccinated than they ever were before. I have never had the flu or a flu vaccine. Pre-pregnancy I had a very healthy immune system. I know now that I am pregnant, my immune system is more vulnerable, but I still have faith in my immune system that God masterfully created us with. And of course, I am taking steps to keep healthy like drinking water, getting extra Vitamin C, washing my hands like crazy, and using hand sanitizer like a mad woman when I'm not able to properly wash my hands. I have also been avoiding the grocery during peak times. And in general, I stay out of public unless there's a need. And because we are fortunate to have good health insurance, there is no reason to hesitate going to the doctor at the first sign of illness to seek treatment.

Now I know not everyone can avoid public. I have a friend who is also pregnant who works in a school. She basically works in a flu petri dish. She has also had the flu and pneumonia in the past. Her situation is different from mine. Her risk factors are much greater than mine. She actually did get both flu vaccines just this week which, for her, was probably the right decision.

So that pretty much sums it up for me. As I said, I will talk to Dr. Shamma about it on Monday, but its very unlikely that he'll change my mind. And in the meantime, I'll be praying everyday that God keeps me and our baby healthy and far away from the flu.

The ONE

You're never going to believe it! I finally found it. The perfect girls name. I know I said in a post or two ago that we had some more good names to add to the short list... but tonight I found the one. I have never felt more connected to a name. It actually gave me butterflies. It is simply beautiful. I still plan on taking two names for each gender with me until I see our baby, but I am 99% sure this is it. And of course, Nathan also loves the name! While I won't be sharing this name until after the baby's born and of course, if its a girl, I'll give you one clue about the current top two names. They both start with M's. Feel free to guess, though!

And to Catherine... I promise its not your name! :)

Did I mention the belly? While I am not 'showing' Nathan and I are definitely starting to notice minor belly changes! We will take our first belly picture this weekend.

Definitely Feeling Pregnant

Yesterday was another good day, not nearly as tired as the day before. I am actually starting to feel pregnant, not just because of the fatigue, but physically. I can feel my uterus is larger, supposedly the size of a grapefruit. It's a similar feeling when my ovaries were in enlarged, which they are still not completely down to size. Sometimes I get up or twist too fast and can feel a slight twinge reminding me not to do that. I'm still feeling the cramps as I have for the past six weeks but they are much, much lighter. I just feel pregnant. And of course there are a couple other things that make me feel pregnant, but I'll spare you those details. It's a good feeling though, especially since there is no nausea.

And in naming news... Emily is a name I adore. It topped my list for a couple days. But I just cannot bring myself to give my child a name that was number one on the name charts for twelve years straight! There are a lot of Emily's in this world. So it was back to the naming books. While we have a pretty solid list of names we like, I think there are a couple names that are really starting to pull ahead. Of course I'm not going to tell you (remember... I like the element of surprise) but this makes me very happy.

I've really been trying to focus on keeping stress levels low, although that has been difficult. It seems like every single day there is a new and different stressor. One day it was whether or not to get the H1N1 vaccine (currently leaning towards not but will be talking to my doctor about it on Monday.) Another day it was my job situation (lack there of...) Another day it was stupid unemployment that doesn't use my highest wages from the employer who "laid me off" so kindly (not fair!) Another day it was Nathan's job situation (working ten to twenty hours of free overtime a week are not going to fly with me after the baby is here!!) I know so much of that is just life, but I feel like if we were in a better, more settle-able situation a few of these stressors would be obsolete. But we are actively praying and trying to trust God in the details of our life so that if a change needs to be made, we'll see it... or see how to make our current situation work.

Feeling Pregnant

Today was an exhausting day. Why? No reason. I was just so very tired. I fell asleep on the couch for a few minutes and decided to go get in bed and take a proper nap. I did. And woke up... still so tired. Its definitely the most tired of felt so far during the pregnancy. And I also experienced my first hint of nausea. And when I say hint, I mean hint. It literally lasted for about ten minutes. I hadn't started dinner yet, so I'm not sure what caused it, but it left as quickly as it came. Still no complaints though. I think having gone through what we have... I'm able to embrace all things pregnancy related. Now... if I end up camping out in the bathroom I don't know if that will get much of an embrace. Oh and the indigestion now comes after I eat or drink pretty much anything. But again, not complaining just informing. :)

And as far as the girl's names... I've chilled out a bit. We have added a couple new names to the list, but I think more than anything I'm just convinced it's a boy. Let's just say if it is a girl... it'll be quite a shock.

WV

Nathan and I decided to skip town and head back to WV for a short/long weekend. His parents were going to come visit us, but with his grandma, its easier for us to go to them (for now!) We had a wonderful weekend. There's something so comforting about the rolling mountains. We always get such a kick at the constant up and down and round and round of the roads. It reminds us why we find snow driving in Michigan so easy... because we learned to drive in the snow in WV. And of course we continued the our tradition when we cross into WV; we play Country Roads by John Denver and sing along very loudly... at least two full times through. And the leaves couldn't have been more beautiful. But even more important than the terrain, we had a wonderful time on Sunday with family. Nathan's brother and his family and his sister and her family joined us for lunch at Nathan's parent's house. Our nieces and nephews are all growing too fast. The nieces were both just over a year old when Nathan and I began dating, the two youngest nephews were not even born yet, and the two oldest nephews were about 8 and 9 years old. Now... the girls are in 6th grade... the two youngest nephews are getting so big and smart (I think in 2nd and 4th grade)... one nephew is a senior in high school and the other a freshman in college. I'm still confused how all that happened. Is my little growing baby also going to grow up that fast?????

In baby news... not much to report. I'll be eight weeks on Thursday and still not a hint of nausea (knock on wood!) The IVF drugs caused major, rapid hormone changes. I read and was told of all the horrible things they'd do to me. Yet I felt great and normal (except during the hyper stimulation.) So I think my body must handle hormone changes fairly well. I do hope this continues. And I have found myself talking to the baby more and more, which is still kind of funny since there's not even a bump to talk to. I go back to the Dr on Monday for more blood work and another ultrasound. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing the baby again and get the reassurance, again, that the baby is still growing and developing perfectly.

Baby Names

You might wonder why I so urgently want to find a girls name. As I've said before, I'm solid on boys names. We have four names that we absolutely adore. We may narrow that down to two over the next several months or we may take all four names to the hospital with us. Bottom line... I no longer think about boys names. But until I can say the same for girls names... I cannot stop thinking about names. I wake up during the night thinking about names... I just can't stop. So I urgently want to find our top girls names, to give my brain a break!

Yesterday, my friend Linda, let me borrow a couple name books. Now I, of course, have explored many name books, but I was finally able to get a name book in Nathan's hands. And it was amazing. He actually got into it and realized what an important task it is. He threw out all kinds of names I never would have thought he liked... some good, some bad. And while I was so happy to have his serious input... it turned my short list into a very long list. I'm not sure if it was progress towards giving my brain a rest, but hopefully now we'll be able to start focusing on the names on our list.

And while some of you may know a couple of our favorite names... we'll ultimately be keeping our final picks quiet. There are very few surprises in life these days! Did I mention we will not be finding out the gender until the big birthday?!

Oh and I must pass on some wonderful suggestions I've received... ;)

1. Cora Vette (get it?!)
2. Direne (Diane+Irene: a mix between our mother's middle names... doesn't so appetizing does it?!)
3. Firby (Fred+Kirby: a mix between our father's first names... ha!)

6 Weeks 4 Days

First things first... This morning we saw our baby's heart beat! It was the most beautiful little flutter, but very strong. I didn't even have to have the Dr. point it out to me. It was tiny, but right there. It was amazing. When I got the phone call saying I was pregnant... that was incredible, but still abstract. When I was told the HCG levels were right on track... what a relief. Seeing the first ultrasound... a bit less abstract. Seeing the heartbeat... THERE'S A BABY IN THERE!!! LOL It's no longer abstract, its real! Dr. Shamma was very sweet. He gave us a real Congratulations and said "You did it, Kelly!" Ha. Of course, I was thinking... No Dr. Shamma you did it. LOL. Dr. Shamma also said what we were all thinking, "Thank you God." I am still keeping my guard up a little knowing that we are still in the miscarriage danger zone, but seeing the heart beat gives us a lot of hope and joy!

As far as a due date. My calculations based on the date of conception was June 3rd. Dr. Shamma didn't mention a due date yet, but the ultrasound gives an estimated due date based on the size. The date given by the ultrasound was also June 3rd. So I'm saying that our EDD is June 3, 2010!

And I have to take a moment to brag on Nathan. Last night I babysat a friend's baby for a couple hours. When I came home, my wonderful husband had the house clean, Harry Connick Jr playing, candles lit, and a card and gift on the table for me. I have a book Your Pregnancy Week by Week that gives Dad tips, one being "Buy your wife gifts through out her pregnancy." I read this to Nathan, teasing him... but he was a good boy and took the tip! If he keeps that up... we should have a very enjoyable pregnancy. :)

Girl Names

Ok friends. I have a feeling I'm going to need the entire duration of pregnancy to come up with two girls names. (Remember... we are not finding out the gender... so we'll have to be prepared for either.) Let's have some fun... and let YOU give me some ideas! :)

Here are some guidelines:

1. A name that is somewhat uncommon or at least not in the top 50 or so.
2. A name that has a fairly simple and straight forward spelling and pronuciation.
3. A name that fits it with our names. {Nathan, Kelly, and _________.}

Go!


(Some of you have trouble commenting... so you can always email me and I'll add it to my blog reader suggestions! KellyMorgan2.0@gmail.com)

Funny story. Nathan paused the tv the other night and it stopped during a preview for a new show, specifically a little boy. The little boy was a little chubby, kind of had a scruffy voice, and was just cute. Well Nathan said something like, "ha... that is a dweeby little kid." I sat there and studied the little boy for a second. And I realized that's what our kid could look like. He had a round head, like my Dads, eyes like me, a nose like my brother, and Nathan's hair and darker eyebrows. We started laughing hysterically. It was so true. He suddenly looked less dweeby and much more adorable. Then at Target I was looking at greeting cards, and I noticed a little girl who looked a lot like me as a little girl with blonde hair and dark eyebrows... again I thought... hmm that's what my kid could look like.

So we've definitely been having fun imagining what our little Mini-Morgan will look like.