Oh and Nathan has been taking a bunch of pictures that I'll be posting after we get back in town.

Our Old Kentucky Home

I'm not sure where to begin. We are in Kentucky now and thoroughly enjoying showing Milo all around Bowling Green. The trip down here started out great. Milo slept for the first three hours through the mountains of WV. About 20 miles north of Lexington, we hit traffic. Not just thick traffic... stand still traffic. It took us two hours to go five miles... with a six week old. Milo did OK, but it was not fun. Nathan had to go to the bathroom and our gas tank was VERY low. The biggest problem was when Milo got hungry. I didn't want to take him out of his car seat while we were still in the traffic lanes, but I didn't want to pull off and get out of line. So... I blocked all of the back windows and nursed Milo in his car seat. Seriously. I took off my seat belt and leaned over the car seat and fed him. It worked, but after about two minutes... I decided we just needed to pull off and feed him properly. It was pretty funny.

Yesterday, Milo met his Uncle Austin. I think they hit it off pretty quickly. Austin even played Milo some sleepy time music on his guitar which I thought was very sweet.

I think I could make another post on all the ways in which I miss Kentucky, but the biggest thing is how friendly everyone is. A group of people walked out of Target and smiled at me. I was confused. I thought, "Am I supposed to know them?" Then I realized they were just being friendly. And we stopped for a pit stop and I had two doors held open for me. I didn't even have Milo with me. They were just holding the door for regular old me. And both men did it was a smile. We have certainly met some very wonderful, kind people in Michigan that we love dearly. But you just don't have that kind of kindness and courtesy on a regular basis from strangers in Michigan. I miss the sweet accents, the diversity, and the gentleness of the community here. But... we still are hopeful that this will once again be our home.

This evening we are having a little cookout at my parent's house for our friends to come hang out and meet Milo. We were supposed to have it outside at a park, but the heat is just a bit too intense for Milo to be out in for more than a little bit at a time. This way we'll still be able to do the outside thing, but have the option of coming inside as needed.

Still on the agenda... consignment shopping for Milo, Farmer's Market and breakfast, Jackson's orchard, and Nashville. I love this town!

Oh and while driving by our old place, we got to see our old landlord and friend Tommy. He loves babies and was so happy to meet Milo. We sure miss Tommy. He was a great landlord and really good person.

Firsts

I cannot believe our time in West Virginia is already winding down. We have really enjoyed our visit. Milo has met SO much family. Its just sad to know that it will be some time before they see him again.

Yesterday, we went to one of our favorite spots, Coopers Rock, that has an overlook with an amazing view of the hills. We had a little picnic with my brother "Uncle" Adam. When we first pulled up, we saw the WVU mascot, the Mountaineer, in full costume. I was so excited. Milo and I got our picture taken with him! If you grew up in WV, you know how symbolic the Mountaineer is. It was great.

Milo has had many first while here in WV, but one I am especially excited about... he slept through the night last night! He slept from 10 pm until 5:15 am without waking up once. He fell asleep in his car seat on the way home from Eric and Caroline's. I just left him in the car seat and figured I'd take him out and get him ready for bed at his next feeding. Well his next feeding didn't come until 5:15. I woke up surprised to hear the bird's singing, and looked at the clock. About that time Milo began to wake up. Hopefully he'll be able to sleep just as good in his crib once we get home.

Tomorrow we'll be heading South for Kentucky. I'm not really looking forward to the trip, but I am much more optimistic. I hadn't been giving Milo the pacifier when he kind of stopped showing interest. But in the last half hour of the trip here, I offered it to him and it really appeased him. I have since given him the pacifier a few times in the car, so that should make the next trip better when he starts to reach his limit. But, do say a prayer for safe and pleasant travels.

West Virginia

If you haven't already heard... we made it to WV. Milo really surprised us at how well he did. The last two hours were a bit rough, but overall it was a fantastic trip. We did realize that we just need to be where ever we are going by 7:00... that's when Milo tends to be a bit fussy.

Milo has met A LOT of people. Yesterday alone... he met about 30 people... about 20 held him. That was way too much for both me. Milo did great. We are learning he is a very social baby! This morning Milo went to his very first church service at the church I grew up in. The church is in a new building, but its the community of faith I grew up in. Having that be Milo's first church service was very special to me. And he did great! He didn't make a peep the entire service. I was so proud. After that we went to Nathan's parent's church's picnic for a little bit.

We ended the day with our best friends {and Milo's honorary Aunt and Uncle} Eric and Caroline and their adorable and hilarious kids Ethan and Anne. We miss them so much. So, so much. We are always able to pick up right where we left off with them. And we are really looking forward until Milo is old enough to play with Ethan and Anne.

I'm kind of having some anxiety issues in the evenings, but I'm dealing with it. I'm so grateful that I have such a sensitive and patient husband!

Tomorrow Nathan, Milo, and I are going to have a little mini picnic with my brother Adam at Cooper's Rock. Then Eric and Nathan are going to a movie. After the boys get back... Caroline and I are going out to dinner... by ourselves! I am going to leave Nathan with Milo. I have NO problem leaving Milo with Nathan. Nathan is GREAT with Milo and I don't have a single doubt that Milo will be fine. I'll pump and leave a bottle in case he needs it. BUT it will be the first time I will be away from Milo. Its definitely going to be hard, but at the same time I am SOOOOO excited to have a girl's date with Caroline.

Well... I'm going to go visit and finish eating some watermelon before Milo wakes up. We're taking lots of pictures... that I will post when we're back in town. Please continue to have us in your prayers.

Wish us luck!

Six week checkup (its actually five weeks, but close enough.) went well. Yay.

Milo has slept in his crib the past couple of nights. I am so glad. I didn't love that he was still sleeping in the swing. The most important thing is he is sleeping, but I was really getting anxious for him to transition to the crib. And I found that I sleep much better when he is in the crib. I couldn't strap him into the swing because I needed to add padding. It would take a freak accident for him to fall out of the swing, but it still made me a little nervous. Plus, I knew that the longer he slept in the swing, the harder it would be to transition. Now that I know he can sleep well in the crib, there's no need to use the swing for night time sleeping. I might still use it for naps here and there, but I'd say we are now crib sleepers! Another Yay! Also, when he sleeps in the crib I can use the video monitor, which I love.

This will likely be my last post before our big trip. I'm still nervous, but hopefully all will go well. Milo has done much better in the car seat this week, so hopefully he is starting to get used to it. We are just going to take our time and stop when and for as long as Milo needs. We are so excited to finally introduce Milo to his family... which is the only reason I haven't backed out of the trip yet. Anyway... I'm working on getting us all packed and ready to go.

Wish us luck!

Normal

I think we have found our new "normal." And we love it! We are definitely settled in with our new son and new life. Yeah... I know it took long enough. We have started establishing some new routines and really enjoying it. One of my favorite things is our evening walks. What started out as strolls to get Milo to sleep are now a regular activity whether or not Milo needs it. With Milo strapped in his Moby (already in his jammies ready for bed) we head out, usually around 9 or so. We walk for 30-45 minutes. Milo is usually wide awake with his chin way up in the air looking at the evening sky or trees... or whatever it is he sees up there. Once Milo starts dropping his head down to my chest, we start walking home. Nathan and I have found this time to be so wonderful because it gives us a chance to talk, uninterrupted. Its really quality time for all three of us. And it gets our hind ends moving.

I definitely feel in better shape than before I was pregnant. I haven't weighed myself since just before delivery. I haven't been too concerned about it, and I was advised not to jump on the scale too soon. But... I'm ready now. Maybe not ready but curious. Its amazing how fast the majority of the belly goes down after delivery. As I am sure all moms know... there's still that spot. You know the one. At least on me... there's one spot where the stretched skin just seems to settle. Yuck. And you know how they say that if you're butt gets big you're having a girl and if you're belly gets big you're having a boy. I definitely found that my weight shifted a bit from my butt to my belly. Now... my pre-pregnancy pants fit fine until I try to button them... and they just won't close. Great. So now I seriously have NO pants to wear. I have my yoga pants, dresses, and skirts. So we ventured to the next town over to Old Navy (not my fav store but it'll do) to get at least a couple pants that I can button. I seriously cannot wear maternity pants anymore. You can't carry a baby and hold your pants up while grocery shopping. Its a recipe for disaster. Anyway... I now have two pairs of regular pants. Yay. :)

Blue Eyed Boy

Oh and I asked Milo's pediatrician if his eye color would change, and she said no! His eyes are really blue and will stay blue although the exact hue may change. Who would have thought our son would have blue eyes?!

4 Week Appointment

Milo had his 4 Week well baby appointment today. He weighed 11 lb 1 oz and was 22 1/4 in long. He is up about one pound from his last appointment a few days after hospital discharge and in the 75-95th percentile for both weight and length. And he has grown 2 1/4 in since birth. He is definitely a growing, healthy baby boy. People are always commenting on how alert and strong he is... and he's been that way since birth! Even Dr. Grossman was surprised by his strength when she put him on his belly. He can lift his head the entire way up and turn it from side to side. And he does it with great control. Even a lady in the waiting room was surprised by how young he was. She had an 8 week old and she thought they were the same age. I told her he's not your average 4 week old. Overall we were very pleased with our appointment. We are very happy with our pediatrician. She answered all of our questions, and we did not at any point feel rushed. Its definitely nice having such a kind, relaxed doctor who truly shows a genuine interest in our son.

Milo's lips have started to fade to where it just looks like he has purple lip liner on... but we are doing another gentian violet treatment tonight, so we'll start the purple all over again. Hopefully after tonight and another treatment tomorrow we'll be done with it.

Other things that Milo is doing at 4 weeks is:
Smiling like crazy... at mom and dad... and at the pictures of our family we have on the wall above his changing pad.
Desperately trying to find his voice; he occasionally gets a "goo" out, but he can't seem to figure out how to do it on command... he just moves his mouth and gets out more of a whisper of "goo."
He LOVES being outside and going for walks in the evening. Usually when Nathan gets home... the boys head outside for Daddy time. And when we walk in the evening... he peaks his head up out of the Moby and takes in the sights, sounds, and smells.
As I said before, does great with tummy time.
I am able (sometimes) to put him in his swing awake, and he will fall asleep on his own.
He definitely follows people, the cat, or objects which he has been doing for a while now.
He still seem to love being clean, he loves his baths, and he loves having his nose suctioned?!
His favorite non-mommy pacifier... the side of Daddy's thumb. He lost interest in the actual pacifier a while ago.

And he still does not like to be in the car... which should make our upcoming road trip loads of fun. (When you see me... don't be surprised if my hair is already gray!)

Violet Milo

I don't remember if I got into much about how to treat the thrush... I am taking an oral medication. But in addition to the oral medication a lot of women have found great relief from using something called Gentian Violet. Basically its this bright violet stuff that is painted onto the nipple, then you nurse your baby. That way it treats both myself and Milo. It is purple. It is messy. And it stains tiny lips and faces! I knew this going in, but believe me... I need the relief and I want to make sure it doesn't flare up in Milo to where it causes him discomfort or interferes with his eating. I'm just not sure how I will possibly take him in public with a purple face. We've come up with a few different lines to say to people when they ask why his face is purple... "Is that not normal?" "I make purple milk." "He just had his first purple slushie."

Thrush

And the breastfeeding adventures continue. After I met with my lactation consultants on Saturday, they said if we didn't see much improvement over the next couple days... I'd need to see Denise for possible thrush which is basically a yeast infection. There has been NO improvement and I hurt all over. The skin on my breast feels like a bad sunburn... there's shooting pain on the inside... and it just hurts all over. So... to Denise's office we went. I am going to do a round of Diflucan which will hopefully clear it up. I also need to cut out sugar from my diet. Denise also suggested washing my bra after ever feeding or as often as possible. Yeast can be hard to clear up and it is very easy to reinfect yourself. Milo has no shown any signs like the white patches in his mouth or yeast diaper rash, so hopefully we caught it early.

I'm just glad I have such great support. It would be easy to quite... and I do NOT want quit.

The Scenic Route

For Christmas, my sister-in-law gave Nathan and I a book called Timouts with God, Meditations for Parents by Rochelle Melander and Harold Eppley. Nathan and I waited until Milo was actually born to begin the meditations. One we read the other night really struck a cord with me. Here is the last paragraph of the entry titled Faith Journey.

"Parenting is also a faith journey. Becoming a parent is like choosing a scenic route over the expressway-it usually takes longer to get where you're going. Yet if you pay attention, you will discover wonders you would have never known existed had you taken the faster route. Take time to enjoy the blessings along the road of parenting. And rest assured that when the journey is done, your Navigator will lead you safely home."


The scenic route. Boy do I feel like that is the road we have been on for years now! Nathan and I have always enjoy the scenic route in driving. We enjoy seeing farms, driving through quaint little towns, taking the curvy roads around the mountains. But that paragraph was such a great reminder of what a positive thing the scenic route of life can be. We certainly were not on the expressway in conceiving our son... but we sure did experience some wonderful moments along the way. And while the end of that journey... Milo... is just the beginning of another one... Raising Milo, I realize that taking the scenic route isn't a bad thing.

Magic Moby

Milo is usually very good at bedtime. I'm usually able to nurse him, then put him straight to bed... sometimes even awake and he'll fall asleep on his own. But for whatever reason, he was fighting bedtime tonight. I nursed him and he was still wide awake. Daddy took him outside which usually puts him right out... and he decided to be awake AND adorable smiling and mimicking Daddy. We changed a few diapers... he cried... we took turns trying to snuggle him... nothing was working. And let me add it wasn't that he was crying the whole time... more just awake. SOOOOO... we decided to pull out the Magic Moby. That is its new name. I put him in the Moby and Nathan and I took to the streets. We went for the walk around the block we would take so often while I was pregnant. Within about 5 minutes... he went from wide awake, looking around... to completely passed out. There is just something so soothing to a baby to be wrapped snuggle against your mother's chest... taking in her warmth, smell, heart beat, and the jiggling motion so similar to the motion he experienced in the womb... Its amazing that baby wearing is not more common in our country. And maybe Milo is just extra responsive to the Moby since he is such a big cuddle bug.

Transferring him from the Moby to his bed was just as easy! And he is now... happily asleep. Now Mom needs to get there, too.

Bath Time

Saturday

Cloth diapering is going very well! We have had no leaks once we figured out how snug to secure the diapers around his waist. We are actually doing our first load of cloth diaper laundry right now. And Milo wore his blue cloth diaper with a multi colored striped t shirt and it was absolutely adorable!!! I wish we would have taken a picture, but we'll take a picture next time.

I also had a home visit with my lactation consultant and her mentor today. It was very helpful having that second voice and mind to help do some problem solving with the nursing. We are all very optimistic that the worst is behind us. We just have to figure out how to get Milo to stop clamping down!

This morning's plan was to head West to Ludington, MI... plans changed a bit. While we were getting ready, Milo threw up his entire stomach contents again, like he did before. I think it was another case where he just gagged himself. He acted fine afterwards and did not have a temperature. I don't think its anything worrying about, but we will mention it at his 4 week appointment this coming week. {I can't believe Milo is already going to be a month old!!} Anyway... we decided maybe going that far from home wasn't the best idea. So instead we decided to have lunch at Panera Bread in Grand Blanc which is just over an hour away. It was definitely a smart move. That was enough of a trip! But it was a good experience as we learned a lot about how to keep Milo fed and happy. I think he's having a growth spurt because during the day he is eating every hour or so. I mean... he never really went too long between feedings, but he's definitely eating A LOT the past day or so. That just made today's trip a bit more difficult, but hopefully he will be going longer between feedings for the duration of our trip. I'm definitely not feeling great about our road trip, but maybe if we do something like this another time or two, I'll feel better about making the big trip. But Nathan and I are determined. Basically if we want Milo to meet his family... this is just what needs to be done. Did I mention I hate being so far from family?!

Have I blogged yet about how amazing it is seeing the man I love become a father? Nathan is SO great with Milo. From the minute Milo was born Nathan just stepped up and became Daddy. That was one positive about the Csection... I bonded with Milo for 42 weeks... and I think Nathan having the opportunity to be the first one of us to hold him and go with him to the nursery... and change his first diaper... gave Nathan a special chance to bond with his son. And now when he comes home from work he and Milo get their time together. Its even neat to see Nathan with his special ways of holding him. I keep Milo snuggled close while Nathan has Milo up over the back of his shoulder... which Milo LOVES! He changes diapers, paces with him while he's fussing, rocks him to sleep, and so much more. He really truly is an amazing father. And on top of it... he is still taking good care of me... and he tells me how much he loves me, our son, our family, and our life on a regular basis. What more could I possibly ask for?

OK. Now its time for a few evening chores, then I am off to bed... assuming Milo is actually down for a while.

Ok... so we did have a little leak this evening with the cloth diapers. I think I just didn't have them tight enough around the waist, and a little bit of pee come out around his waist. He has a pretty trim waist and trim legs... once he gets a little more chub they should fit a bit more snuggly. But all in all I am still incredibly pleased!

BG Pics

As you can see the BG diaper isn't as trim as a disposable, but it really doesn't feel bulky on him at all.




I just had to include this one with his big yawn.

Tomorrow our plan is to take a day trip as a test run for our big road trip coming up in a couple weeks. We just want to be away from the house for an entire day and get him used to a longer car ride. We're thinking maybe the Ludington area... maybe he'll stick his feet in Lake Michigan for the first time (Of course I'll be ready with socks to put on him afterwards to keep his feet warm!) We should definitely get some great pictures out of the day.

BumGenius and Prayer Request

We did it. We started cloth diapering today with our BumGenius diapers. I wasn't sure if they'd fit Milo yet... they looked big. But sure enough, they fit him perfectly. And they are surprisingly not bulky! We have changed a few diapers today and I have been very pleased. They seem to be very absorbent and seem to keep the moisture away from his skin as much as disposables. The velcro makes for a quick change on and off. I really don't know what to say aside from Yay!!

As far as time. The only additional time cloth diapering really takes is in the washing and stuffing the inserts. Last night I went through and stuffed my whole stash and it only took about 15 minutes. And I imagine I'll get quicker the more I do it. And because he is not on solids yet, there is no scraping or spraying that needs done at this point. Once he starts on his first foods, then there may be an extra step in dumping the solids, but even that you're only talking an extra 20 seconds. And since we have a nice large stash of about 20 diapers, I'll likely end up doing laundry every other day at this point.

And I did take a picture of Milo in his first cloth diaper... I'll try to get that added soon.

The next thing I wanted to mention is not baby related... gasp! Can you believe it? But it is a serious prayer request. Back when I was doing IVF and had the complications that put me in the ER, they noticed a mass on my right lung on the CT scan. The ER doc mentioned I should probably follow up on that with my Dr. Well... of course IVF worked, so then I had to wait until Milo was born to have a repeat scan. I had that repeat scan done about a week ago. And there is in fact a nodule on my lung. The next step is to review the results with a specialist and have a pulmonary functioning test done to rule out the need for a biopsy. I did a little basic research just to familiarize myself with nodules. A nodule can be nothing or it can be cancerous. But it is something that needs to be taken very seriously. So please just say a prayer that we are dealing with a benign nodule. I'm not worried about it... I'll worry when we receive indication worrying is necessary. My appointment with the specialist is August 5th.

What a great day we've had! Milo had a GREAT night last night. In bed at 10... up at 2:45, down at 3:00 then up at 6:30. Then he napped for the majority of the morning... which allowed me to take a shower (and use conditioner and shave my legs!!!) before 9:00. Then we went to the new mom's group facilitated by my lactation consultant. We had a blast! I got to talk to some really great new mom's who had similar experiences as me. It was nice just to have that bonding time with other new mom's. And it was great because when Milo was hungry... I just fed him. I didn't have to sneak off or nurse in the car or try to hide what I was doing. And Milo was a little prince. He really seemed to enjoy all the new sights and sounds. He and I are both getting tired of looking at the same walls day after day. We are definitely going to make this group a regular weekly thing! Then we took Daddy a special treat from DQ and made a little visit to our friend at the newspaper Sue. And since Milo is eating about every hour and a half (I'm thinking he might be having a little growth spurt) I did two car feedings. It was just so nice to be able to do whatever we wanted to do today. Granted... Milo was certainly ready to go home after getting in and out of his car seat a few times... but so was I. Now he is happily asleep in the Moby.

And I'm going to wash the cloth diapers and hopefully give them a go this weekend!! Wish me luck!!

Determination

I went ahead and did a second gDiaper and was not as pleased. Milo got really upset all of a sudden, and I wasn't sure why. So I went in to check his diaper and the gDiaper disposable insert was soaking wet, but it didn't seem to keep the moisture off of his skin. He was happy once I changed it. So gDiaper not looking so hot now. Although it may be better with a cloth insert.

And we determined that my latest nursing wounds are from Compression Blanching. Basically Milo is sucking very hard, which I said from day one, calling him a little Hoover. And he is also clamping down which is visibly evident after nursing. I guess babies will clamp down to slow the flow. So he is sucking so hard the milk is coming out too fast, so he clamps down to slow the flow. Seriously. Basically what is happening is the circulation is being cut off to the nipple. So most of the pain comes a few minutes after I'm done nursing when the circulation begins to return. The plan now is to switch sides every five minutes to cut down on the duration of constant compression. We are also doing some position changes. And I will use dry heat after each feeding to help with the post nursing pain. {I filled a sock with rice to use as my heat source... just microwave... and I've got a great little heat pack} We are going to see how the next 24 hours go, and my lactation consultant is going to consult with her mentor as well.

I am still optimistic that we will eventually be nursing normally and pain free! I am determined for no other reason, than I simply love nursing my son. There are certainly other, perfectly fine, ways to feed a baby. But I want to do this; I want to have this special time with my baby. I've already dealt with and survived engorgement, cracked and bleeding nipples, nipple shields, manual breast pump, prescription ointment that is to be washed off before each feeding, compression blanching... to give up now would be crazy! Ok... so maybe not giving up is crazy... but I am not giving up.

Ok. I put Milo to bed an hour ago... now {hopefully} its my turn to get some sleep.

Milo wore his first cloth diaper today. I'm not ready to officially start with my BumGenius yet ... although I am getting excited about getting started. But we did try a gDiaper with a disposable insert today. I was quite pleased. It neatly contained a pretty decent sized bm. And the gDiapers certainly fit him very well. Maybe we'll use the gDiaper with disposable insert for outings and travel. I don't know, but I was pleasantly pleased.

And it looks like I will be having another visit with my lactation consultant today. I thought everything was going well. There was still pain upon latch on and I was pretty sore between feedings... but he was finally opening his mouth wide enough and latching on where he was supposed to. But there is, what appears to be, some blistering. And we think he is clamping down which is not good. All I can do at this point is laugh... just another battle to be fought. I definitely owe my lactation consultant a batch of cookies or two.

I wanted to clarify something... When I said parents must also forget the first two weeks... I meant that simply because, like labor, its hard. Not because its horrible or not enjoyable... just hard.

We Made It

You have no idea how good it feels, to feel like myself again. I feel like the 'fog' has officially lifted. Those first two weeks were tough... but we made it! In fact... Milo will be three weeks old tomorrow. People always say you forget labor (which I have already started to do...) well you must also forget those first two weeks, too! :)

We had another successful outing today. Milo is getting to be a good car traveler. I can now put him in and get him out of the car seat without tears. And as long as Norah Jones is playing on the radio... we are good to go. I told Nathan we may be listening to Norah Jones for many, many hours on our big car trip. I listened to it all the time when I was in the car while I was pregnant... and he really seems to favor this particular album. As soon as we turn it on... he seems to settle down almost instantly.

While in Target I decided to carry Milo in the Moby wrap instead of bringing him in the car seat which proved to be a good choice. He slept the entire time. After our shopping was done, he was still sleeping so we decided to stroll the mall for a little bit until he woke up. It really worked out very well. And I can even get him wrapped up in the Moby by myself now. It takes a little practice, but its definitely worth it.

Milo is also continuing to sleep well. He was up for two hours again last night, but it could be worse. And its not like he is up crying. He gets changed, eats, and then is just awake. I don't want to encourage the middle of the night parties, so I keep the lights very low and keep the tv off to avoid stimulating him too much. So we kind of stroll around the house, snuggle, and talk until he starts yawning. Then I do one more changing, then feed him again and he goes back to sleep. I've also tried to stop making the second stretch of sleep, co sleeping in the LayZBoy. I'll still do it if need be, but I'd like him to sleep his entire night in the same spot. That way Mommy can also sleep in her bed.

I'm really hoping to get to Dr. Shamma's office soon to introduce Milo. I know my emotions are finally under control, but I know that is going to be an emotional visit. And we'll also be taking a picture to add to the wall of babies. We'd see this wall of babies who were conceived with the help of Dr. Shamma and Dr. Fakih... and it was such a great symbol of hope. I cannot wait to add Milo to the wall.

First Bath

Milo's first bath was a success! He loved it!! I'm talking... smiles and all. What can I say, he is his father's son. :) And of course after we had him all clean... the bath water started to turn yellow. Yep. He pooped. But I'd still say it was a success.

And right now Milo is asleep in his Moby Wrap. He was asleep within about a minute or two of wrapping him in. And I now have two hands free. I actually made my own lunch today. I can already tell this Moby Wrap is going to be a complete life saver.

Happy 4th of July

Not only did we survive our first day without Grandma... but we enjoyed our day (although we sure did miss her!). And today is starting off great. Milo slept from about 10:30-4:00, then from about 4:30-7:00. Then he woke up so happy. He just hung out in his swing perfectly content while his mommy watched him from the bed. After a few minutes, I went over to get him up, and my heart melted as he flashed one smile after another. He has been throwing smiles out here and there for the past few days, but this morning it was one giant smile after another as I told him good morning. There is no better way to start a day than that!

We will be celebrating the 4th, today, with Milo's first bath... like real bath. I am so excited. I've been dying to give this baby a good scrubbin'! As much as I love fireworks... we will be passing on the fireworks this year. We thought about trying to watch them from a distance, but it stays light so long here. The fireworks won't start until about 10:30 or so. Milo would probably do fine, but I know that will be cutting into my prime hours of sleep... and its just not worth it at this point. Maybe next year! Milo does have an outfit that says Mommys Little Firecracker... so we'll put that on him and go for an outing today.

Happy 4th of July!!

I need to be in bed...

There were a few things I wanted to blog about... but I just put Milo to bed and my goal is to be in bed within a half hour of putting him down. So I guess I'll see what all I get to.

I had another visit with my lactation consultant today. She was definitely very encouraging. I nursed this afternoon/evening without the nipple shield! I'm still healing, but with different positioning we should be OK without the shield. I think Milo and I both really enjoyed nursing withOUT that piece of plastic between us.

My lactation consultant said that most people would have given up by now. I am glad I have not. While the most important thing to me is that Milo gets breast milk... I would be crushed to lose the connection I feel while nursing him. We were physically connected for 42 weeks... spiritually connected for longer as I prayed for him... I just love the skin to skin time that nursing has brought us. And I love that I have something special that allows me to instantly comfort him. It has been a difficult road, but I am hopeful that we will be able to continue to enjoy nursing for many more months.

One thing that has been difficult is falling asleep. Whether I am trying to nap or go down for the night... it has been taking me a good half hour to fall asleep. My mind just keeps going... usually thinking about the difficult things... and often I cried myself to sleep. But today, while trying to nap... which I wasn't really able to do, but enjoyed snuggling Milo while he napped... I started thinking about all of the joys over the past two weeks. It was the first time I felt like my mind went to a happy place on its own. And I thought about all of the wonderful times to come for my beautiful family of three. It felt good.

In a few weeks, I'd like to make a post about the items I could not live without. I enjoyed when friend's made a similar post, and I'd like to do the same. But... I did want to go ahead and say I could not live without my Aden + Anais blankets. Its hard to keep Milo warm without over heating him, especially in air conditioning and at night. My Aden + Anais blankets, which are a very light, soft muslin material, have been perfect for getting a nice, tight swaddle keeping him snug but not too warm. They are also great for draping over his car seat to keep the sun out, while allowing plenty of airflow. And I use them just for a light cover when he's just relaxing. I have four, and I'm thinking I might get another pack of four. Oh and they seriously get softer with each wash! They are definitely a must have for summer babies.

Last but far from least... Mom. My mom and dad drove up to Michigan the Friday after Milo's Tuesday birth. Their plan was to stay for a few days then head home. After I ended up with the C and realized I may need a few more days help... they decided to stay for a week to help me out. After my postpartum and nursing issues arose, my Mom was willing and able to stay for an additional week while my Dad when back to BG to rescue the dogs from the boarding place. Well... Mom's time has come to an end. Nathan will be taking her to the airport early tomorrow morning.

I cannot adequately express what her help has meant to me, Nathan, and Milo. She has cooked our meals, cleaned our dishes, done our laundry, changed diapers, took a few night time feedings during the two nights I pumped, paced with a crying, tired baby, kept my water cup filled, talked me through my moments of anxiety, carried the heavy car seat, made me get 10 minutes of sunshine a day, made me leave the house so I wouldn't become an agoraphobic, sat in waiting rooms with Milo during follow up appointments, gone to the grocery store about a million times, and so much more. I told her I felt like I needed to celebrate Mother's Day all over again. I already had a great appreciation for my mom, but what she has done for us over the past week or so... I guess I understand it more too now that I am a mom. And while I am ready to get back to normal as a family of three... I am really going to miss my mom and just her positive attitude. I know Nathan and I will be fine on our own, but it is still a little scary. I'm glad I will (hopefully...) be asleep when they leave in the morning... maybe that will help keep some of the tears away. So to Mom... Thank you and we love you. XOXO

Milo Sucking His Thumb

Milo sucking his thumb with a little help finding it from Grandma... until he realizes there's not actually any milk coming out.

Postpartum Hormones

Yesterday I had my 2 week followup to check on my incision, which went very well as it is healing nicely. Afterwards I talked with my midwife about the 'blues.' Knowing what we've been through over the past year and a half, I don't know that she was all that surprised that I was still struggling with the emotions.

Funny story. Between my 2 week follow up and my appt with Denise, I bumped into my other midwife. I walked back into the waiting room crying. My mom asked what happened, and I told her Lynda asked the wrong question. A minute or so later Mom asked what she asked. When I answered, "How are you doing?" Mom and I both starting laughing to the point of crying, We seriously could not stop. Maybe you had to be there, but it was an example of the lack of control I have of my emotions, but at the same time we were able to get a good laugh out of it. So then when Denise called me back and asked "How are you?" Lynda said from behind her, "Don't ask her that!"

Ok back to the serious stuff. Whether you want to call it severe Baby Blues or mild Postpartum Depression, I'm not afraid to admit I need help. I have a feeling, like so many other things, more woman have struggled in this area than we think because its just not something we like to admit or talk about... which only makes it harder for the women going through it. So this is me talking about it.

Talking with Denise was very helpful. I suggested the original trigger was the nursing issue. But she said, no, this goes back to infertility/IVF and includes everything since then including my difficult labor. In just over a year, we went from thinking we could never have a baby to holding our son in our arms. That in itself is a lot to process. So then add the postpartum hormones and its almost more than my mind can handle.

While I have good days, I just don't know when something else is going to trigger the bad days. And when I say bad days, its pretty much a lot of crying, self doubt, etc. Its not severe, just more anxiety. I can still take good care of Milo, its just dealing with my emotions.

I knew I needed help and additional support, and I knew I needed to get it in place before my mom leaves.

I hope if there is someone else reading this who has, is, or will struggle with any level of Postpartum Depression or the Baby Blues... they will not be afraid to talk about it and get help in whatever form may be necessary. And its hard to get help. Because you have a good day and think... oh I'm coming out of it... but then you have another bad day and wish you had that extra help and support. And its important to get help early before it progresses into something more severe where there is a risk to yourself or your baby.