Its 5:10 a.m. I should not be awake... but Milo had other plans. So I came out in the living room and put him in the swing where he fell back asleep. Unfortunately now I am awake. Perfect time to blog, right?
I've got to say that with the PET scan nearing... Its weighing heavier and heavier on my mind. Mom and I had a good conversation the other night. It was kind of the first time she expressed how scary the thought of me being sick really is for my parents. We both choked back tears. And I completely understand. I cannot imagine the thought of something being wrong with Milo. But it is important to share your feelings... we all have to support one another. I'm glad she (and my dad depending on when we get the results) will be here with us to hopefully celebrate good news, but also be here for extra support if the news is not what we hope. Nathan and I have also had several conversations about 'what if.' But the hardest thoughts are relating to Milo. What if I am sick and have to go through treatment? What will I miss? And what if the worst case scenario happens and I only get to be in Milo's life for a year? Will he truly ever know how much I loved him? Yeah. I know it doesn't help thinking that... but you can't help but think about the what ifs.
Mom has a friend in her HOG chapter that has been battling cancer for several years. We have said many prayers for her. And I'm so grateful God put her in my parent's life. I think even just through the scary unknown time, she has been very supportive. And I know that if our news is not good, she will continue to be supportive to us both.
I guess this post is just to say that, yes I am scared. But we remain hopeful that all is well.
In terms of the first 48 hours after the scan... I'm feeling better. I've put Milo to bed twice now with out nursing him to sleep. And as I found this morning... when he wakes up just wanting to comfort nurse... putting him in the swing should put him right back to sleep if all else fails. We just have to hope and pray he takes the bottle. Once I'm certain I have enough milk stored... I'd like to have Nathan try giving him a bottle once before the test. And in all honesty, I'm sure once he gets hungrier enough he'll take it. So I think we should be in good shape.
OK. I need to get Milo back into his bed, and get myself back there as well. I hope you are each enjoying the holiday weekend. We sure are!!!
{And on a side note... we rented City Island... it was GREAT!}
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