Rumblings

A few posts back, I mentioned that some guys from NY were going to be at the paper to talk about the budget. We hadn't heard anything since then, but there is an editor's meeting tomorrow about the budget. It may be something or it may be nothing. Deep down, Nathan and I are both hoping its something. Don't get me wrong, we are so grateful that God placed us in Midland, MI. We know, without a doubt, it was with great purpose. And we have made some life long friends in Midland. But... I wouldn't cry if our season in Michigan was coming to an end.

What I truly want, is to be where God wants us. I had the itch before we found out we are pregnant, but I think I'm even more ready for the next season. And if there is a change/move in store for us, I would prefer that it happen sooner rather than later. I want to be moved and settled, before our baby is born {That is still so exciting to say!} Of course, I'll keep you updated if anything comes of all the rumblings at the paper.

And on a side note, my injection sites seem to be getting worse and more bothersome. They're itchy and kind of sting. I was told to use a warm compress, so hopefully that'll give some relief. Otherwise, I don't know if I can keep getting the shots in the same spot. Technically they can be done on the top of my thigh, but that doesn't sound very nice. And Nurse Lori said that isn't ideal since it is a muscle used so frequently. They'll take a look at it when I go back in on Friday.

The past 24 hours have been so exciting! It's finally starting to sink in. And Nathan's already kicked it into supportive-husband-of-a-pregnant-wife mode. Since I tend to be clumsy, he started carrying the laundry up and down the basement stairs for me. I actually already fell once since I've been pregnant. Luckily is was just the one step going down into the garage. Woops. {I actually used to fall down the stairs quite frequently growing up! So we'll be watching for falling hazards... especially this winter}

Knowing I could be pregnant made it much easier to eat healthy and pass on the Diet Coke... but knowing I am pregnant... now its super easy! I just hope I can keep it up. :)

I really appreciate everyone's kind words... Its nice to know that others are sharing in our excitement and joy!

We had a few questions about the shots now that we're pregnant, so I called Nurse Lori this morning and said, "Now that I can actually think straight..." It looks like I'll be on the estrogen pills for another month until we hear a heart beat and the progesterone shots for another 5-6 weeks. And Friday will be another blood test to make sure the my HCG levels have risen appropriately. They should double every 48 hours at this point. And then we're looking at our first ultrasound next week.

(I'm still so happy that I don't even care that I can hear my neighbors Mariachi music blaring through the wall!)

You'll Want To Be Sure To Read This One!

I went in for my blood test this morning at 8:00. At 3:00 Nurse Lori called with the results. I'M PREGNANT.

Yes... I fibbed. I know I told you all that I wasn't going in for my pregnancy test for another week... but how else was I supposed to surprise anyone??? I am completely overwhelmed and in utter disbelief. I know that its still early, but we are praying that God has his hand upon our embryo and will just allow it to grow and develop into a perfect, healthy baby. Dealing with infertility causes you to be very realistic, so I know that things can go wrong. But today we are just so thankful for this miracle... for God's faithfulness even when we doubted it. I feel like I'm giving an award speech... God is the only person to praise; I am thankful that God chose to work this miracle through the hands of Dr. Shamma and all the nurses. And I am grateful for all of the prayers, kind words, and support you have offered through this journey.

As I said, we are now praying that all continues to go well inside my body, that our tiny little embryo continues to develop and grow, so that come June, we'll finally meet our baby.

On the more clinical side of things... my estrogen and progesterone were good... 4-6 more weeks of shots... and my HCG level was at 264. They like it to be above 100, so we're pleased with that. And I go back in on Friday. I'll continue with Dr. Shamma through my first trimester, then be released back to Dr. Powell.

Please continue to stand with us in prayer for our growing child.

Bruises

My lower back is now starting to look a bit ghetto... There are two spots where we've been alternating my shots which are now becoming bruised, red, and knotted. We're also starting to see the actually poke marks. I guess you can only poke yourself in the same spot so many times.

If we find that the IVF was not successful, then obviously we'll stop the shots. But if it was, then I'll be continuing the shots for another 4-6 weeks. If I do have to continue the shots, I'll be asking if there is another place we can do the shots. I think you can do them on the top of the thigh, but that doesn't sound pleasant.

But... I'll gladly take every shot if it means becoming parents.

Follow up

If you haven't read the part of the last post about the embryo mix up... read that first.

I started looking into this a little further. And I realized IVF MI has a branch in Toledo. So I wanted to look in further to see where in Ohio this happened. Well I found that that the couple who received the wrong embryo lives in Toledo and the couple whose embryos was mis-transferred lives in Detroit. I also read an article that stated the clinic that made the mistake was not in Ohio.

Oh crap! That sounds an awful lot like it could by MY fertility clinic. Now realistically, it happened nine months ago and after making a mistake like that... I imagine it will never happen again. But... wow. {I don't know for sure that it was my clinic, but just from basic reasoning, it could be.}

Even if it was, I still trust Dr. Shamma. Wherever it was, it was likely human error by someone in the lab. Hopefully they were fired. Crazy.

Names and Mix Up

Thinking about baby names is something I've done for years. I remember talking to Nathan about baby names back in high school. For me, its fun and its therapeutic. We are solid on a list of about three boys names that we absolutely adore. However, I've never been quite as solid on girls names. I don't know if there are just too many that I like or what. I have two that I really love and a couple others that I really like. But today I found another name that I absolutely adore. It French, and beautiful!

Unfortunately, I can't tell you. We decided that when our day comes (whether I'm pregnant now, or with a future attempt) we don't want to find out the gender until the birth. I did say that with twins... I'd want to know. But with just one... we want that surprise.

Apparently my parents had a tape recorder in the delivery room when we were born. A few moths ago, I hear the recording of my birth for the first time. My mom had the two boys already, and to hear the announcement, "Its a girl!" was absolutely incredible. Whether we have a boy or a girl... I'd still like to have that "It's a ... " moment at the birth. And the same thing with the name. I want to keep that a surprise as well.

This wasn't a very telling post, but I am just so excited that I found this new beautiful name, I just hope Nathan likes it! :)

OH and I saw this on headline news this morning...

Click HERE

Its a story of a couple who had had the wrong embryo transferred during IVF, and today, gave birth to the baby of another family. They chose from the very beginning to carry this baby for the biological family. Its a pretty incredible story.

The clinic where that happened was in Ohio. While I think they should say the name of the clinic, they didn't. There is no excuse for that happening today. Standard protocol is for everything to be immediately labeled and every step and labeling doubled checked by two separate embryologists. I had a bracelet on my wrist during both procedures with both my name and DOB and Nathan's name and DOB. It was checked multiple times. Dr. Shamma even did a verbal check with the embryologist before they brought the embryo into the OR. I don't know how that could happen, except through simple carelessness.

As if this wasn't difficult enough, I couldn't imagine being told... Congratulations, you're pregnant BUT we made a mistake. This couple obviously had to be very strong and made a very courageous decision.

I don't know what we'll do if we are not in MI for future IVF attempts. Dr. Shamma has been such a blessing. I truly don't know who else I could trust, like I trust Dr. Shamma. He does have a brother who I believe is also an RE in Charleston, WV... so that may be an option. I think I could trust another Dr. Shamma. Another option will be to get a personal recommendation from Dr. Shamma; he is very connected within the IVF medical community.

Update

Nurse Lori called this afternoon and said my levels were back up to where they should be... so it looks like we've got the correct dosage of things right now. That's good. And my pregnancy blood test will be on October 5th. I made the mistake of reading another book that had a chapter about if IVF doesn't work. Woops. I should have known better. It completely psyched me out and broke my peace. I'm trying to get back to my peaceful, hopeful place. I have been staying realistic, and I know that if it didn't work, we have five more healthy little embryos and we can try with two next time, BUT if this cycle didn't work... I will be devastated. There's nothing I can do or think to prepare for that.

But enough of that... I am just going to refocus on something else. I don't know what... but I'll find something! :)

Poke Tally

In case you were wondering... there has been nothing new to report IVF wise. I go back in tomorrow morning for another blood test. But I did start scrap booking a little bit. I want to have something to show my kid/kids some day when they are old enough to understand. And I did a tally of how many blood tests, ultrasounds, etc. I've had. And I counted up through tomorrow. So here are the numbers so far... and keep in mind this is only what has been done with Dr. Shamma... it does not included any of the tests or procedures done with Dr. Powell.

IVs: 3
Ultrasounds: 9
Blood Tests: 13
Shots: 36

That's a grand total of 52 pokes! And there's more to come. IVF is definitely not for women who have needle issues! I'll update again tomorrow after I hear how my levels are doing.

A Day For Reflection

Today has been kind of a gray day... over cast skies and a little bit muggy. But its caused me to do a lot of reflection today. Here are some of my thoughts, sights, and random comments for today:

I finally broke down and went to Jack's Market. It's literally a block from my house and I have just never ventured over there. Well I loved it. It is truly like a little neighborhood market... not a convenience store or trashy place. Here's are my shopping habits in Midland. Walmart for nothing (not even prescriptions!) Meijer which is a regional grocery store for general groceries like whole wheat pasta, milk, eggs, etc. Jack's for produce and meat as well as the Midland Farmers Market. Target for cleaning and personal care products mostly for Target's generic brand, Up and Up, stuff.

While leaving Jack's I saw this adorable old couple that I had been admiring in the store in the parking lot. They were walking over to there sporty little red car and the old gentlemen spotted a tiny baby in a car seat. His eyes absolutely lit up and he franticly got the attention of his wife so she too could admire the little one. I don't know why, but this brought me to tears. I don't know if it was seeing a man towards the end of his life get so excited over a baby at the beginning of their life... or if it made me think of the love of my grandparents... but it really touched my heart seeing the joy that little baby brought to an old man, just by being alive.

There's a song I like by Ingrid Michaelson called You And I. One of my favorite lines of the song is "Don't you worry there my honey. We might not have any money, but we've got our love to pay the bills..." Every single time I hear it... I chuckle. We all know why that makes me chuckle... the utility company is not known for accepting love as payment for service. But its such a wonderfully naive thought. Which is worse... having love, but not being able to pay the bills, or being able to pay the bills, but have no love? I know my answer. <3

I am not like most women. I can resist shoes. Last winter... I spent every single day in my furry Crocs. They were just so comfy and warm. But they were very frumpy. And while Nathan loves me no matter what I am wearing (other wise he would have left me a loooong time ago!!) I'm going to try to resist those frumpy shoes this year. And again, unlike most women, I really don't need a closet overflowing with shoes. I just like to have one staple pair and a few others for variety. Well... I have been on a search for my fall/winter staple pair and have had no success. I want a earthy looking shoe that is still cute, comfortable, and will keep my feet dry during the winter slush. There are some cute Mary Jane shoes, but they go too low on the foot and I'd have to wear special socks. I'm looking for functional, not frumpy, and reasonably priced. That is my current quest.

I am not at all comfortable in the men's underwear section at Target or any other store. Nathan thinks this is funny.

There's a man who loves two houses down from us. He is probably in his fifties and lives alone. Every single day, he goes for multiple walks looking down the entire time. When we first moved to the street, we honestly thought he was homeless because of his appearance... not dirty, but always in the same kind of brown clothes, hair sometimes a bit disheveled. But after a while, we realized he lived on the street. He takes the same route every day and walks straight back in his house. We periodically see people come in and out, they appear to be checking in on him, probably cleaning for him. One day, as I passed him in my car... I happened to catch him looking up, so I smiled and waved. He gently waved back. I have now made that a habit. And Nathan's joined in on the waving. I don't know his situation or his story. But who can't use a genuine smile and wave in their day?

Life is just so interesting... full of so many people with so many stories.

Paradise

I happened to find this video on you tube of a 9 year old girl named Anna Grace who is singing and playing a keyboard. As I was listening, I realized that she was singing an original song that she wrote. It was just amazing seeing the creativity and talent in such a young girl. I hope she continues to play and sing for a long time. Click HERE to see Anna Grace sing the song Paradise.

Levels Have Slightly Dropped

This morning I went in for my millionth blood test, and we found that my levels dropped a bit, so we doubled my Progesterone and added an additional Estrogen pill. It's nothing to be concerned about... that's why they monitor things so closely, so that they can make changes as my body demands. Other than that, things are still going well. I'm still having some minor cramping, which I'm told is still likely a good sign. We've got one week down and two more to go until the blood test we've been waiting for.

Check out Nathan's pictures from his two hot air balloons over the weekend... Click HERE.

They're Coming From New York

I was at the wedding today of one of the reporters at the Midland Daily News... during the reception there was some newspaper table talk... and I learned that there are some folks coming from New York to talk about the budget next week. Now I don't think they're sending people the whole way from New York to say, "Hey... great job!" So... again we'll be anticipating the meeting and what's to come.

This was the first week without an intern... which was the photo department's sacrifice last round. They are definitely feeling the effects. I don't know if the next step is to go to a three day a week publication or what... But I'm oddly not too concerned. Yes... we could potentially be pregnant... and apparently things at the paper are still on shaky ground... But we've already been tossing around some thoughts and ideas concerning some changes within the next year. If things prove to still be bad and more drastic changes are made at the paper, it'll simply mean that we'll be quickly turning these thoughts into action.

We'll definitely be praying for God's guidance and direction as the paper is likely preparing for more changes.

And in response to the comments on the last post. Bridget: I'm pretty sure they still administer flu shots to pregnant women. Shelley: I agree. I have still never had a flu shot, nor have I ever had the flu. I have a very healthy immune system and am very skeptical of any new vaccines. So I'm pretty much sold on not getting the H1N1 when it comes out. Thank you for your thoughts ladies! I always appreciate it.

Possible Pregnancy Plan

Many of you know I was really into the whole organic thing for a while. That kind of slowed down a bit... partially for monetary purposes... and partially just because its my nature. Well now that there's a very good chance that I am pregnant, I want to make sure that I am doing everything in my power to make sure my little embryo... hopefully baby... is healthy. And especially since getting pregnant has equalled lots of drugs... I want to keep as much of the bad stuff out of my body for the duration. Some of you may say... well it doesn't really make sense to start a pregnancy diet now before I even know if I am and so early. But I just want to know that from Day One... I did all that I could.

So... Here's the pregnancy plan: Of course I will be going along with the standard plan of don't eat this and that. I have a list ready to keep on the fridge and take with me to the grocery store. Luckily... I don't eat a lot of that stuff on a regular basis anyway like a lot of fish, soft cheese, processed meats, etc. But I will also be going back to Organic milk and eggs, and select other foods. Not everything will be organic, because I don't think that is necessary, but certain foods, as I said... are of high organic priority. I am not going to say I'm going to go strict vegetarian... I'll allow some Laura's lean beef sneak in, but I'm going to be limiting my meat... which I kind of do already. But don't worry... I'll make sure to get all the protein I need from other sources!

Aside from food, I'll also be keeping as many chemicals and environmental toxins out of my home as possible. Of course, Dow being in my back yard sure doesn't help. It is a concern, but there's not a whole lot I can do about that other than moving... which I am not opposed to. I am switching back to Tom's deodorant to keep the aluminum out of my system and make a few other similar changes. The only thing is that with winter coming up and the H1N1 virus making its rounds... I'll probably have Nathan do some more disinfecting while I'm not home to also make sure we're not allowing dangerous germs in. Hm. And the H1N1 vaccine that's coming out... I'm not sure where I stand on that yet. I'm leaning towards a no, but we'll see.

Oh and bottled water... that's also out. I'm sticking to water filtered through my Brita pitcher in my aluminum Sigg bottle.

*And as my disclaimer... I want to say that this is something that I simply want to do and believe in... yet in no way do I think people who do not do this are any less of a parent or person. Its just my personal preference.*

While the newspaper industry is on its way out... Nathan's job is a photojournalist is still awesome. He has has so many opportunities to do some really wonderful things and meet some really wonderful people. Sometimes I think being able to say, "I'm with the Daily News" is like a magic ticket to anything.

Well Nathan had it in his mind that he'd like to shoot Midland from a hot air balloon before the balloon festival this year. So... this evening he said, I'm going to stop by the airport today before I come home and see if I can get a ride. He did. So he called and told me to look out for him in the Remax balloon. It dawned on me... that I should hop in the car with my camera and see if I could find him. I did! Except I look up in the sky and see... probably 25 or so balloons and two Remax balloons. So I started taking pictures of both. As the balloons moved with the wind I thought... well I might as well follow and see if I can figure out which balloon he's in. Long story short... my next job should be as a balloon chaser. I followed and found him... too the street in a neighborhood where they ended up landed.

Some people may be jealous if their husband or wife gets to do something incredible or may feel let out. But I have never once thought... oh I wish it was me. I've always just been so excited and happy for Nathan. I think sometimes I get more joy out of the things he does than he does himself.

Needless to say, Nathan and I both enjoyed his first ride in a hot air balloon!

Here's proof. And I apologize that they are a little bit out of order... but I know you're smart enough to figure it out. :D

A shot of the balloon over a corn field.

This was a picture taken in the corn field right beside our church where many balloons landed.

If you click on this picture... you might be able to see Nathan and how easily he could tip out of the basket as he was taking pictures... he even said... it was a little scary.

This was the unexpected scene as I found Nathan and the many other balloons... and the balloon festival hasn't even started yet! Nathan's in the red, white, and blue Remax balloon at the top.

And he wasn't off the hook for tearing things down either! He even had little ballooning gloves on... it was pretty cute.

This was right after they touched down.

Honestly, I thought they were going to end up on someone's house!

This is when I first spotted Nathan!!

Oh and in case you're interested, we're still doing the intramuscular shots... only now its Progesterone in oil being injected, and I'm also taking estrogen pills. And I go in on Friday for a blood test where they'll monitor my hormone levels and make sure everything looks good or see where they need to adjust some meds.

Ninety Seven Percent

Tomorrow is a big day for me... after a week of laying and sitting, I'll finally be able to resume normal daily activities. Yay!! I have big plans... like leaving the house. I still have to take things easy, don't over exert myself, or do a lot of twisting, but I can deal with that. I'm at about 97% better. I'm still not back to my normal breathing and I still have some pains and can't seem have a pleasant night's sleep (lots of tossing and turning) but I'm so close.

I have also been having very mild cramps yesterday evening and today... which according to my discharge papers is a good thing. It should mean that my uterine lining is thickening and preparing for pregnancy. Hopefully things are going well in my womb.

And I have officially ousted diet coke from my life! Yay! I really do not want to birth a diet coke fein baby. And that goes for all pops, sodas, or cokes (depending on where you are geographically located.)

***And last night... two of my bffs, Stephanie and Bryan, in Kentucky, welcomed their beautiful baby boy, Seth, into the world. He is perfect and Mom and Dad seem to be doing really well. They are now a beautiful family of three! Now... I need to start planning a trip to KY!!

Transfer

Last night was rough and filled with tossing turning, upset stomach, and a 4:30 am. stroll around the house in the dark. Then as I was getting ready I kind of had a mild panic attach. I was just very anxious about today's transfer. BUT it went super well! I felt very little.

We decided to only transfer one embryo for a couple reasons. First, all of our embryos are textbook perfect. Secondly, since I hyper stimulated... there's a chance that if pregnancy occurs, it could come back and stick around for several weeks and be very dangerous. So I'm taking the past few days as a sign from God... that one embryo is the way to go. And we are very comfortable with that. We have to really weigh things out. So we've got one perfect embryo we pray will implant over the next 48 hours.

This is a picture of our tiny little, still microscopic embryo at five days after 'conception.' The picture we have is better, more clear quality, but it didn't really scan well... but I think you get the point. I'm pretty sure this one is a boy, but Nathan this its a girl. LOL

And while we are certainly excited and hopeful about what may come, we are keeping the ration 75% hopeful 25% realistic to the chance that it may not work. I think when you've been through this journey... staying somewhat realistic is a defense mechanism. So yes, we are exciting about seeing this tiny little embryo... and praying that it implants and grows into our baby boy or girl... but we are treading lightly knowing that... this is still a maybe.

We'll go back for a pregnancy test in three weeks. Now... we wait!

Prayer Request

Of course, please remember us in prayer tomorrow, but my friend Ashley asked that I pray for a women she worked with... and I'd like to pass this on to you as well.

Here is what Ashley told me, " A nurse I worked with in CCU just lost her 16 year old daughter early this morning in a wreck. It is her only daughter and she is divorced with not much support around her. She lived and worked for her daughter. There were two other teens that also died in the wreck and one other boy who is in critical condition in Pittsburgh. Kylee's body ( her daughter ) is being regulated so they can harvest her organs tomorrow. So, if you could add Lisa Braham and her family along with the other familys involved to your prayer list.. I know they need them."

So please add these families who are having to deal with such a nightmare right now to your prayer list. It kind of puts my fears of pain in perspective. The pain I may encounter tomorrow is nothing compared to the pain of losing a child.

Also, my good friend Stephanie in Kentucky is currently at the hospital and is expected to have her baby, Seth, tomorrow. So please also pray for a smooth delivery for her and a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Just as Stephanie is getting ready to push her baby out... I'll hopefully be having my baby pushed in. Does that mean we'll technically be pregnant at the same time... even if just for a matter of hours?

Just a Thought

Back on Day 16 I said this:

"I know I'm still in the middle of this process, but it amazes me how different it is from my expectations. I read so much about how painful, how crazy I'd become, etc. And yet, I have not experienced so much as a minor mood swing. I've felt happy and positive and hopeful. This week I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up a book I read previously about IVF... no comparison. It just shows how different everyone's bodies are and how differently they react. That as well as the fact that everyone's IVF is different. We all have different drug regimens, different needles, different shot locations, different procedures. I think a lot of the books and articles out there like to harp on the worst case scenarios and leave out the positive IVF experiences that many people do have. So on the record... even if this IVF attempt fails... I'm saying that for me, IVF has been a positive experience."

I kind of chuckled reading back on that. Do I still think that this experience has been positive? Well let me first say that I still things its super important to remember that every woman's IVF is very different. And I've since had mood swings, pain, and a worst case scenario. So in a sense... maybe it is important to remember or expect the worst or maybe be prepared for the worst then be pleasantly surprised when it is not as bad. I think I may have spoke a bit too soon. But easy... IVF is not... unpleasant at times... yes... scary... yes. I'll get back to you on the positive aspect. I know that if we do end up with a baby... it will be worth every ounce of pain... but this is definitely a process (the stimming and egg retrieval) I will only subject my body to once. We will still make future attempts with our frozen embryos, but that is simply the transfer part.

Just a thought.

Yay... for feeling better!!

Last night was rough because of a bought of restless arm... but Nathan got up with me around 7:30 to help figure out why and how to fix it. We came up with Tylneol... ice... massage... and a boost of iron. And it worked. So once we got that under control... today was wonderful! No nausea. No shooting or stabbing pains. I was actually able to leave the bedroom. I strolled around the house... enjoyed sitting in different chairs... and being able to watch TV.

The only discomfort I'm having now is basically everything inside my abdomen is tender. My lungs, my bladder, my abs, etc. So I'm still walking very slowly and gently and still need an extra boost getting up, but today was really a breath of fresh air.

I talked to nurse Betsy and she was very encouraged by today's improvement. She seems to think that as long as I don't take any steps back and continue to improve... we should still be on for Tuesdays transfer. Hallelujah. I cannot express how grateful I am to be out of that stage. But Nathan is still taking good care of me (he's actually doing the dishes right now!) and allowing me to rest. He even took me for a car ride this evening just to get me out of the house.

Oh and on a funnier note... we realized that my cat began to act out. Obviously, I've pretty much been ignoring her the past few days... well she had enough. So she started chewing on her bag of food, chewing on computer cords, etc. So now that I was able to give her more attention today... she seems much happier as well.

Continue to pray for more improvement and for the upcoming transfer... which after the egg retrieval I have become much more apprehensive about.

Yesterday evening ended up getting worse. I finally had not choice but to surrender to the nausea... luckily all I had consumed was bread and butter, peaches, and liquids. But of course, that merited a call to nurse Betsy. She ended up calling in a prescription for anti nausea medicine which came in a suppository form. Fun. And she actually said it is hyper stimulation and that the best thing to do is treat the symptoms and hope they subside. Obviously, we'll be going back to the ER, except this time in Saginaw, if symptoms become more severe. But if I am not significantly better by Monday, Dr. Shamma will likely be canceling the transfer and we'll have try later with the frozen embryos.

I do feel like I've been improving. My belly is not near as bloated! We got a sneak peak at what I will look like pregnant... that was hard core bloating. I just hope I continue to recover, but faster! Thank you for your prayers and support.

And I do want to add real quick... that I truly married the best husband. He has been so supportive... waiting on me hand and foot. He make sure I'm staying hydrated, keeps track of when and what to take medicine wise, he, without complaint, cleaned up after I threw up. And all through this, his only complaint is he hates seeing me like this. I am so grateful God put Nathan in my life.

Please continue to prayer. And again, thank you! <3

Ok. Most of you already know we had a long night last night. We ended up in the ER around 12:30. I was having shooting pains going from mid-stomach straight up through my shoulder and neck on my right side. It definitely affected my breathing and created tightness in my chest. It progressively got worse. I tried to go to bed, but I quickly found laying down made things get even worse. We were debating on whether or not to call the on call nurse, but after I got a pain that made me feel like my chest was about to explode... I knew I had to get to the ER asap.

I'm not sure how much longer I can blog, so I'm going to try to make it short... They ran the whole battery of test... EKG, blood tests, xrays, ultrasound, CAT scan... The best indication was when the Dr. examined my stomach by pushing on my organs... which very quickly let him know where the pain was originating. It appeared to be a gallbladder issue, but none of the tests showed any problems there. They did find that my pancreas was inflamed which is called a pancreatitis. So... they sent me home on a bland diet with Vicodin.

We got home around 5:00 this morning and the Vicodin knocked me out enough to finally get some sleep and relief. The shooting pains have apparently subsided. But now I'm still having a lot of bloating and I get dizzy and nauseous sitting or standing up.

Its been a bit frustrating because the ER says one thing... Dr. Shamma's office says another... and I don't feel like I have any real answers. If I don't get better by tonight, I'll have to go back down to Rochester Hills to see Dr. Shamma. And if I still don't get better, they'll have to freeze the embryos and do a frozen transfer.

And I finally got the update on the fertilization. Of the 14 only 7 were mature enough. Of the 7, 6 were fertilized. It's a little low, but I'm ok with that number.

OK. I need to go lay back down, but that's the basics of whats going on. Please continue to pray. I'll blog again whenever I can.

Egg Retrieval... Success

(This apparently didn't get published... when I wrote it after getting home from Rochester Hills, so I thought I'd go ahead and post it.

Today's egg retrieval was a success. They retrieved 14 eggs which is a good number. I know I had more follicles than that, but sometimes they may have missed the egg, etc. So... we are pleased with 14. I'm still extremely uncomfortable. I have a lot of bloating in my stomach, going to the bathroom is not fun, and its hurting a little bit when I breathe. Walking must be done very gingerly and Nathan has been having to help me sit or get up. We just need to stay very aware of everything in watching for hyper stimulation which usually shows itself after the retrieval.

Its hard to believe that my eggs are actually out and fertilized. I feel like such a bad mother for leaving them two hours away. Most women's fertilized egg(s) do not leave her body until the birth of her baby. Its just a bit strange for me. But hopefully they are taking good care of them.

We'll get a phone call tomorrow with a status update on how they're doing. So please continue to pray. We'll also be told when our transfer will be. It'll either be on Sunday or Tuesday.

And a wonderful couple from church brought us a pizza casserole, salad, and brownies for dinner. Yum! We are so grateful. And the wife is due to have her baby on Wednesday, so hopefully we'll have an opportunity to return the kindness.

I'll update once we know more.

Q & A... Late Night Freak Out

First, I'd like to address the two questions asked after my last post.

***This is going to be a long post!***

Bridget asked how long until they'll transfer the embryos back to where they belong...

There is a 3 day transfer or a blastocyst. Blastocyst is done five days after retrieval. It will depend on how well the embryos are developing. If they are not developing well, they'll be transfered after three days to get them into the best place for their survival... meaning my womb. If they are developing well, they will allow them to get to the blastocyst stage and transfer after five days. The advantage to the blastocyst transfer is that it is easier to to determine the healthiest embryos. I believe some clinics use the three day transfer as the standard, but I believe Dr. Shamma prefers the blastocyst transfer if possible.

Lauren asked how we make the decisions about how many eggs to fertilize, how many to implant, etc.

First of all, our nurse made it clear that it is our decision, not Dr. Shamma's. His job is to guide us and educate us as the specialist, but ultimately it is our decision. We found that early on you have to know where on stand on everything. Selective reduction for an example. They want to know if you would consider selective reduction aka abortion if you ended up with more than twins. We, of course, would not. But by knowing that... Dr. Shamma can help us make the best decision not to be in a position where selective reduction would be suggested. They cannot make you do that. But they're more likely to suggest fewer embryos for people who would not consider selective reduction to avoid high risk, multiple pregnancies.

How many embryos to transfer depends on a few factors: the mothers age, the fertility issues, health of the embryos, risk level for multiple pregnancy, etc. Older women and certain fertility issues are more likely to transfer more than three embryos. However, IVF technology is improving to where the need to transfer higher number of embryos is dropping. In very few cases, would Dr. Shamma transfer more than four embryos.

As of right now, our plan is to transfer two. That gives us two opportunities for a successful pregnancy. And we know that we can manage twins. Now... that is not set in stone at this point. But unless something changes and Dr. Shamma feels strongly about either more or less... that is our plan.

Now taking a step back, how many eggs to fertilize... we will be fertilizing all of the healthy eggs retrieved. That may end up being a low number or a high number. We could fertilize 15 eggs, but that doesn't mean all 15 eggs will survive or become healthy embryos. The remaining embryos that are not transfered, if healthy enough will be frozen. That way, when we are ready for more babies... we will not have to go through this process again. We'll essentially be able to jump straight to the transfer.

There really are many, many decisions to be made. Many are so personal and require a lot of prayer and soul searching. So we take what we know, feel, and believe, and consider the advice of our specialist and do our best to make the right decisions.

Secondly, after just talking to my mom about how stable and at peace I've been with this process... I had my first freak out. Yes... I definitely freaked out last night. I was supposed to take my trigger shot, which is the most important shot, exactly at 11:30. The retrieval has to be done exactly 36 hours after the trigger shot. And the purpose of the trigger shot, is to tell the eggs... OK get ready! Well... next thing I know, I look at the clock and its 12:10! I missed it. OH CRAP! I immediately started to panic. I sat at the table and started mixing... until I realized instead of the ratio 1 cc to 1 unit... I used 3 cc to 1 unit. I just over diluted the drug, the most important shot that I was already late taking. OH CRAP! Then came the tears. So I grabbed the phone, still panicking, to call the emergency on call nurse for the second time in just a couple days. She assured me that its ok as long as I get all 3 ccs in the injection. And she said, its ok that its late, we just need to make sure the operating room in Rochester knows and can plan accordingly. So even though Betsy told me it was all going to be ok... I was certain... absolutely certain that I just blew it all. It took many more tears and Nathan talking me down until I was able to relax.

So this afternoon, Betsy called, which is normal protocol, to verify what time I took the shot. And again, her kindness was just so surprising. She made sure I was OK after last night's drama and was just so sweet and supportive. She also asked, otherwise, how I was feeling because of my estrogen levels (the levels they checked in the blood work every other day.) Apparently my ovaries are working just about as hard as they can work. And she was very surprised at how well I've been doing. It'll be very interesting tomorrow to see just how many eggs they retrieve.

And I might have said this before, but I am definitely very much at risk for hyper stimulation and they are kind of expecting that the few days following retrieval may be a bit rough for me. I hope I surprise them some more by doing really well!!

I think a lot of last night's panic, after Betsy assured me, was a reflection on some of the inner anxiety I might be having. This is it. Tomorrow is what every shot, every blood test, every ultra sound has been working towards. Its really kind of terrifying. But this is definitely the most... emotional day I've had yet. I guess the anticipation is just overwhelming. I mean... tomorrow... is essentially conception day?! Its just... overwhelming on so many levels.

But in preparation of being out of commission for a few days... I'm going to spend the afternoon and evening while Nathan's at work cleaning and making sure things are taken care of. If nothing else, it should be a good distraction.

Please, please say a prayer for us tomorrow. My procedure is tomorrow morning sometime between 11:30 and 12:30 (because of my screw up!) The procedure itself should only take about a half hour. Specifically, pray that we end up with healthy eggs and swimmers and that God truly works a miracle in creating our baby or babies. And also that my recovery is quick and easy as well with no hyper stimulation.

My next post will likely be sometime tomorrow evening... even if I am laying on the couch and Nathan's typing!

It's Official

It's official... Dr. Shamma confirmed and scheduled our egg retrieval for Thursday at 11:30 am! Nathan and I are very excited. I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited. I am done with the stimming shots... Yay! I have a trigger shot tonight at 11:30 pm. No shots on Wednesday, then I'll do a few Progesterone shots which are important to creating a healthy and nurturing womb. Women's bodies naturally create Progesterone, but since they pretty much shut all that down with the very first shot... we have to manually inject it otherwise... any transfers wouldn't stand a chance.

While they're harvesting my eggs, Nathan will do his part, and they will be immediately fertilized. Then on Friday, we'll get a call about the status of our zygotes, as they are called. Its all just very exciting... almost overwhelming.

Have questions?? ... Just use the comment option to ask!

Day... I don't know anymore Part I

This mornings appointment went well. The unofficial word is that Thursday is the big day. We won't know for sure until this afternoon, but everything is looking great. My ovaries are no longer the size of an almond but more like bigger than a baseball! That does mean increased risk for hyper stimulation which I learned has the greatest risk after the retrieval. So that is something that we will definitely have to stay vigilant about. I'll update again after I get the official word and instructions on the retrieval.

*And there will be more pictures to come from the actual photographers* But just don't hold your breath.

Nathan Water Skiing

Here is the video of Nathan water skiing. This was his second time getting up. The first time... I wasn't ready with the camera. Enjoy!!

Aren't you proud!? I just wish I would have captured a bit more of the wipe out. :)

Weekend Update Then IVF Update

What a great weekend! We had an absolutely fantastic time Up North at Higgins Lake with Ryan, Angie, their daughters, and John. The weather was perfect; the water was clear and calm. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful weekend. Everyday went a little like this... breakfast, boating, lunch, boating, dinner, boating, cards. Angie is about eight weeks pregnant and I having my own reproductive issues... decided tubing wasn't the best idea. As Ryan put it... I don't want "scrambled eggs." HA! So almost every time we took the boat out... the boys were either tubing or water skiing. And yes... Nathan water skied for the first time. It took about six tries before he was able to get up... but he did. I was so proud! So the boys were consistently tired and sore... but still had a wonderful time.

Now for the pictures:

This was the cabin located on the small island in Higgins Lake. No cars. No roads. Just cabins on the water, docks, and boats.

Nathan, Ryan, and John preparing to tube.

Ella, Angie, and Layla.

Me... taking a picture to prove I was there.

I believe this is the back side of the island we were on. Notice the calm, clear water.

Nathan on our first morning... had not yet gotten into lake mode.

Ryan doing his thing... Nathan doing his thing... The sun doing its thing...

Tubing!!!

My handsome hubby after being thrown from the inner tube.

Hmm... Nathan and John definitely look like they were in pain. John had to stop because he was about to toss his cookies! Ryan gets great pleasure pounding his staff around the lake. :)

IVF Update: This morning I had my first... scare I guess you could call it. I woke up having a very full bladder and some pain. I used the bathroom and felt no relief from the pain. It quickly turned into stabbing pain on the lower right side of my stomach. Long story short... the pain became stabbing pain that doubled me over. I ended up calling Dr. Shamma's emergency line to talk to one of the two nurses. We talked through it. She said to take two extra strength Tylenol and see if there was any relief after a couple hours. Nothing. The pain actually only got worse. Because of the number of follicles I have and the stage we are in, the nurse said we need to watch for hyper stimulation and ovarian rupture. If the pain did not go away, I was going to end up in the ER. About three hours later, I had pretty much reached my limit. We decided it was time to head back to Midland and get to the Dr. Well... we had been on the boat (I figured I'd rather be in pain on the boat than inside by myself) and once we docked I went inside because, again I really had to empty my bladder. Would you believe the very moment I did that... the pain was gone?! Apparently... my ovaries are likely so enlarged that having a full bladder was putting enough pressure on my tender ovaries to cause the stabbing pain. I don't know why I was not able to fully empty my bladder the first time, but the second time did the trick. And the pain was gone. The nurse said to call her if the pain did not go away. But she ended up calling me a few hours later to check on me and make sure I was doing OK. I have been so happy and pleased by the level of care I have received. And the second phone call was not protocol for the emergency on call nurse... it was just simply Betsy thinking about me while she was running errands.

Now... with all that said, Betsy was pretty certain that was a good indication that its time! Yay. Tomorrow morning I'll be going in for my blood work and ultrasound. But because of today's occurrence, I'll definitely be seeing Dr. Shamma and hopefully scheduling the retrieval. But as always... I'll update after my appointment.

Temporary Post

This is just a quick post to say that we're back in town and I'll be blogging this evening about our time Up North (with PICTURES!!) and about some recent activity with the IVF. But right now we're heading to Frankenmuth, Michigan for the interns going away dinner. Check back soon for the weekend update!

Day Seventeen Part Two

Ok. So. I will not have to go back to the Dr. until Tuesday. But I do get to add another shot to my routine for the next five days. Yay. And a new shot means... more money. That is one area that has held true from the books. That nice flat rate price... doesn't include drugs... and the drugs can just keep adding up. Let's just say, the girl at the pharmacy was shocked at what five preloaded syringes can cost. We are planning for a Thursday retrieval.

Until then... we are headed "Up North" with Nathan's boss Ryan and his family and the other photographers. We are super excited about spending the long weekend on the lake... enjoying the last days of warm sunshine. And with my new camera... you'll actually see pictures when we get back! And since we will be having to give my shots in the presence of other people... we'll have someone to take pictures to document the shot process.

I hope you enjoy your weekend wherever you are!

Day Seventeen Part One

Not too much to report yet. Everything looked good. Lori did say that things are progressing a bit on the slower side. So it may be Thursday until its transfer time. But I won't know for sure until after she talks to Dr. Shamma and calls me back. I'm a tiny bit bummed just because I'm so ready... but with IVF... I'm simply at the mercy of my body. I'll blog again after Lori calls.

And I'd like you to please say a prayer for my friend Kim. She recently found out she is pregnant at the age of 39! I loved how she said it was a confirmation that God has a sense of humor. But seriously, she has some health considerations and has had difficult and failed pregnancies in the past. So she truly needs prayer that God will hold her and her baby in His hands for the duration and keeps them both healthy and strong.

Day Sixteen

Tomorrow mornings appointment should be a good one. We'll hopefully know exactly when our egg retrieval will be and again, get a status check on the follicles. I truly cannot believe we are just days from retrieval. I'm getting very excited.

I know I'm still in the middle of this process, but it amazes me how different it is from my expectations. I read so much about how painful, how crazy I'd become, etc. And yet, I have not experienced so much as a minor mood swing. I've felt happy and positive and hopeful. This week I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up a book I read previously about IVF... no comparison. It just shows how different everyone's bodies are and how differently they react. That as well as the fact that everyone's IVF is different. We all have different drug regimens, different needles, different shot locations, different procedures. I think a lot of the books and articles out there like to harp on the worst case scenarios and leave out the positive IVF experiences that many people do have. So on the record... even if this IVF attempt fails... I'm saying that for me, IVF has been a positive experience.

Day Fifteen

This is a picture of a few of my follicles. Inside each of the little black pocket contains a microscopic egg.

After Monday, Dr. Shamma decided to double my dosage... which meant we had to buy more drugs... not cool. But what is cool... is that the double dosage is working. Today's report is that I now have over 19 follicles measuring well. Lori said that there were more she just didn't measure them all. 12 was a good number. 19+ is a better number. And its interesting because one ovary is producing many more eggs than the other. Lori said it could just be that this month I would naturally be releasing an egg from my left ovary, so that's why the left side is responding more to the meds.

And while a bunch of eggs is the goal... it will mean that many more pokes into my ovaries, equaling more pain and recovery time after the procedure. But... I'm ready for. I can take it. I know it'll be worth it.

I know that when you look at the picture of the follicles, you just see... something that you don't really understand or just some black pockets. But when I look at each of those follicles... I see hope. I see potential. I see each of those as possibly becoming my baby. Its weird to see that. Most people's pregnancy journey starts maybe four or five weeks after conception. My journey is different. I have loved my baby/babies for a while now. And seeing those follicles... I just feel so maternally attached to those microscopic eggs because of what I pray they will become. So to me... that picture truly represents hope.

And this summer, we finally decided its time to really get plugged into our church. So we began going to a "small church" which is just kind of like Sunday school. But we've enjoyed getting to meet some really great couples. And even though our attendance has still been choppy with the different trips and visitors we've had this summer, we're getting to see what this group of people is about. One couple invited us to dinner next week and I kind of explained that next week is a bit uncertain for us. The next email that came was offering meals next week. My first inclination was... oh no that's not necessary. But then he said it would bless them to do that for us. So I said that maybe dinner on the evening of the retrieval and the following day would be nice since I will have to stay off my feet. That really touched me. Sometimes its hard to accept that kind of kindness; sometimes you have to receive to be a better giver.